Kfo Movie Casting Assignments....

Wai Jia: The Kung Fu Forum Kung Fu Forum
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OK peeps…here are the casting assignments. If i missed anyone, you are going to have to live! Because I already have my hands full with what I have! Anyways, If you don’t like your roles in the movie, DEAL WITH IT, because i am the QUEEN, and what I say goes. GOT IT?? GOOD!!

~Wen~

THE WILLOW SWORD-Queens Court Jester
KRISTOFFER- Guy that sings his own theme song thru the movie
ROYAL DRAGON- Evil Emperor
DIEGO- Hopgar’s Sidekick and Disciple & Takes the short bus to school & Likes beans and Franks
NORTHERN MANTIS- Keeper of Hot Women
WUSHU CHIK- Queen of KFO Land whom everyone loves and adores
LEONIDAS- Blind Samurai
RUBTHEBUDDHA- Kung Fu Instructor and Wing Tsun Clan Lord
LOGIC- Extra that kicks ass the whole movie & Constant complainer
XEBSBALL- Ninja Merc Clan Found and Leader
SERPENT- Extra that NEVER looks at the camera
RYU- Wushu Chiks Bodyguard & Right Hand Man!!
GABRIEL- Pilot of Red Biplane???
EWALLACE- Midget babysitter
JWTAYLOR- Master of the Donkey Punch Style & Guy who runs around butt neked
IRONFIST- Part of The Ninja Merc Clan
QI DUP- One Liner
CRIMSON PHOENIX- Wushu Chiks bodyguard
BLACK JACK- Evil White Guy that plays too much D & D
NORTHERN PRACTITIONER- Royal Dragons Lead Fighter
CHANG STYLE NOVICE- Part of Xebsballs Ninja Merc Clan
STRAIGHT BLAST- Confused Person in lots of scenes
JOEDOE- anonymous extra in a nondescript scene
ROGUE- Secretary of Defense totally obsessed with the life of Napoleon
YEAROFTHEDRAGON76- Wonderer with tat looking for long lost brother
AFRICAN TIGER- Undercover Brother
GENE CHING- KFO Land Mayor & just happens to be the local drunk
MELTDAWN- Fight Choreographer
WU-XING- Constant *****er about more training
GUNNEDDOWNATROCITY- Necrophiliac and Gore Master
FA JING- Herbal Shaman =)
HOPGAR- Hop Gar guy who runs around kicking the crap out of people
NYERROMAN- light saber maker
KC ELBOWS- The Political Guy
KUNGFUGUY!- Tae Bo master
CLAMPS- Props, Costumes and Weapons & Fabled Hermit (keeper of T.C.)
PJO- The Evil Liniment Vendor
SILUMKID- Kills PJO/spends half of movie looking in mirror and flexing pecks/spends other half of movie trying to convince people he doesn’t like to fight & Herbal Shamans bodyguard
TAO OF WUSHU- Evil Demon Master as seen in the monkey king Beijing opera play
PAUL- guy who Kills TWS
CHRIS McKINLEY- King of Bagua & Rock Collector
ILLUSIONFIST- Evil Hung Gar Gestapo Furher
ASHIDA KIM & his merry band of Renegade Midget Astral Spies- Ever see Beverly Hills Ninja?? You get the idea…..”Did you ever hear the story of the great White Ninja?”
RALEK- uh, he will be a retarded sidekick of Undercover Brother that everyone hates
SIN THE’- McMullet Grandmaster
SUM SING WANG- Tea pourer & Mentally unstable slave
BRASSMONKEY- KFO Tourney Promoter
GARY- Grappling Death Touch Guy
ROC DOC- Homeless voiceover kung fu actor
NORTHERN SHAOLIN- KFO Librarian & Keeper of Ancient Shaolin Scrolls (NOT Jimmy Woos)
GREENDRAGON- Soundtrack guy
KUNG LEK- Old Canadian French Wh.ore =)
SIFUABEL- Tree Hugging, Hippy Loving Zookeeper that gets along with everyone
TRISKELLIN- In love with Evil Demon Master, even though she knows it could never be so!
TAE LI- Silumkids groupie and body oiler
PRANA- Buddhist monk (best friends with the Herbal Shaman) and wisest man in all of KFO Land
WUFUPAUL- Royal Dragons assistant
DEZHEN2001- Evil Chi Ball thrower
FELIPE BIDO- Semi-Good Wizard…helps the Queen and her loyal people
EVOLUTION FIST- Aquarium Cleaner and Crap Talker

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Hey WushuChik, errr wot do I gotta do ?

lost :confused:

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STRAIGHT BLAST- Confused Person in lots of scenes

I laughed my ass off when I read that 'cos I have had a running joke with my wife for nearly six years about me being confused. She’ll crack up when she reads this! How did you know? HOW DID YOU KNOW!!! :smiley:

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Scene 1- Wushu Chik’s Fortress…

SCENE 1~

Inside of Wushu Chik’s Fortress:
It’s midday, at lunchtime. Wushu Chik is lying on lounge chair in the courtyard, while Ryu feeds Wushu Chik grapes and Crimson Phoenix is massaging her feet. To the left, you see the Court Jester enter the courtyard. Wearing his usually lime green and dark green striped uniform. You can hear the bells loudly chiming from his ridiculously green hat, while Roc Doc and Triskellin play the Lion Drums to his entrance.

“I have a joke for you my queen” says the jester. She looks at him and rolls her eyes “Do you have to tell me?” “Why yes my queen, it IS my job, whacka, whacka whacka”, the jester proudly announces. With a dismissive wave of her hand “Oh, If you must, BUT, if it’s not a good one this time, Ryu will kick you in the chin again. Proceed….” With a flair that nobody else can quite master, he tells his joke “There are two shepards comparing their sheep. The shepards begin to examine the first sheep. “Wow, look how beautiful this sheep is. The fleece is beautiful, and the eyes are clear, and look at these exquisite gums and teeth. Truly a fine sheep.” They walk over to the other sheep and begin the examination of that one. “What the h3ll is wrong with this sheep? This is the ugliest sheep I have ever seen. Look at the fleece, and the catterax and these HORRIBLE teeth. Truly the ugliest sheep in the land.” As they turn away the sheep says “Hey, no I’m not!”, and the jester smiles and proudly says “Whacka, Whacka, Whacka”.

Before the last of the Whacka’s could finish echoing off the walls of the silent courtyard, you hear the sound of Ryu’s boot cracking the jesters chin. “What did I tell you? How many times does he have to kick you before you’ll learn a funny joke?”, yells the angry Queen. She looks at Ryu, who has a strangely happy grin upon his face.

Ryu and Crimson Phoenix leave the Queens side and walk straight to the fallen jester. The next sounds you hear are stomping boots and jingling bells. Between the sounds of the boots falling and the bells jingling, you can slightly hear the jester breathlessly calling Sin The’. “McMullet Grandmaster Sin The’, please savvvvve me. PLEASE SAVE ME”, whispers the jester. With that, the Queen grants him his last chance of life. “You have 72 hours to find me a funny joke, or you will die, horribly and painfully….NO MERCY.” With a wave of her hand, Ryu and Crimson Phoenix return to their previous duties.

For the next hour, Ryu and Crimson Phoenix prepare for the Queens outing to her city of KFO Land, while the jester lies on the floor and bleeds. Sum Sing Wong, the tea pourer and mentally unstable slave, comes to the jester’s aid. He hands him his mop and says “You gonna clean that up, ain’t ya?”. The jester just lies there and looks at Sum Sing Wong. He then grabs the end of the mop and says “Grand Grandmaster Chewbaka, why have you come for me? Where is my McMullet Grandmaster, Sin The’?” Sum Sing Wong cracks the jester over the head with the handle of the mop, and yells at him, “Get over it boy, and get your ass ready for town. The QUEEN is waiting for you. And she told me to remind you that you have 71 hours to find a funny joke, so you’d better be looking everywhere.” With that, the Court Jester crawls out of the courtyard, while the mentally unstable slave Sum Sing Wong cleans up the puddle of blood.

END OF SCENE 1

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My manager will flip if I don’t get to kill anyone and make out with the queen :smiley: Just letting ya know

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Scene 2~ On the Road to KFO Land:

SCENE 2~

On the road to KFO Land:
Queen Wushu Chik, and her bodyguards Ryu and Crimson Phoenix walk toward her town. There are many fields and sheep along the sides of the road, up ahead you see a man standing in front of an orange grove.

The Queen and her bodyguards walk towards the town of KFO Land. In the distance, they are faint cry, “I am NOT ugly, NOT UGLY……waaahhhhhhhh.” Queen Wushu Chik, Ryu and Crimson Phoenix all share blank looks. “JUST KEEP WALKING”, orders the Queen.

Not too much further up the road, there’s a shadowy figure in front of the Orange Grove. He’s dancing suggestively, slowly tugging his shirt out of his pants. Faintly, you can hear the singing coming from that direction, “It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone……”. Closer, the Queen and her bodyguards get to the Orange Grove, and suddenly Crimson Phoenix realizes it’s everyone’s favorite Tree Hugging, Hippy Loving Zookeeper, Sifu Abel. “Hey, Abel” yells Crimson Phoenix, “What the h3ll are you doing?” Sifu Abel turns toward the Queen and her bodyguards and merrily skips towards the group, “Crimson, Ryu…two of my favorite people…Queen Wushu Chik, my don’t you look LOVELY today? How is the Queenship doing? We have so missed you. You have not GRACED us with your presence in KFO Land in quite some time. I am hoping that all has been well, and that you are doing well!” “Abel, are you wearing MAKEUP?”, asks the Queen. “Oh yes, I always do when I am “tending” to my trees.”, replies Abel. The Queen and her bodyguards share ANOTHER blank look, “Just KEEP walking”, demands the Queen.

They finally enter the gates of KFO Land. Walking into the town, the Queen, Ryu and Crimson all hear this funny song coming from behind one of the shops. When walking by, Kristoffer pops out singing the Kristoffer theme song. “WALK FASTER” says the Queen. Ryu and Crimson walk towards the nearest shops, leaving the Queen all by herself. The Queen turns behind her and yells “Hey Jester, hurry your ass up, we don’t have all day”. The jester has been lagging the whole time, due to a severe limp and open wounds. “You now have 69 hours to find a funny joke, or you will still DIE” she yells at the Court Jester when he FINALLY catches up.

There’s a rumbling that could be heard for miles away. Coming towards the town, the sound got louder and louder. Suddenly, a wagon drawn by 4 horses come bursting into the town. It’s an oddly colored wagon, Yellow, Black, and Red. On the front of the Wagon, all that was painted was “PJ OINTMENT- Miracle Cure”. Off of the top jumps a curious little man. He climbs into a little door on the side. The wagons side panel BURSTS open, and the curious little man screams as loud as he possibly can “PJ OINTMENT, MIRACLE CURE…made from the sacred Dragon Blood Ointment will help you cure ANYTHING that possibly ails you. And ONLY I have the TRUE recipe.”

You hear many ooohs and ahhhs coming from the crowded streets. People start pushing and shoving towards the wagon. You hear women screaming, and men crying, others curiously laughing. Those laughing would be the herbalist and his bodyguards. Fa Jing, Silumkid and Prana quietly talk amongst each other. “There’s something curious about the little man”, Silumkid says quietly, as to not be overheard. “I don’t think this guy is legit”. Fa Jing, the Herbal Shaman, agrees, “Yes, there is something quite fishy about this PJ Ointment that he seems to be advertising.” “I think I will have to go and check this guy out for myself”, replies Silumkid. Silumkid starts walking towards the wagon, and the crowd gets restless, and people start whispering to each other. All the gatherers begin moving away from the wagon, as the whispering gets louder. Suddenly Silumkid stops in the middle of the crowd. “OK PEOPLE, how many times do I have to tell you, I DON’T LIKE FIGHTING”, he yells, “Now where the hell is my mirror?”

This curious little man is making a killing with all the money he is raking in from the poor dumb, unsuspecting people he is stealing from with his lies. Still hurt from the beating he received earlier, the Court Jester goes up to the front of the line and demands that he the FIRST to actually try the liniment. Due to condition that he appeared to be in, the people of the town had NO problem obliging to him! The court jester grabs a bottle of the PJ Ointment and opens it right up. He proceeds to rub the ointment into his wounds, and almost instantaneously he starts telling everyone how GREAT he feels. Even though he’s still bleeding, and walking with a limp, he’s telling everyone how fantastic that this “miracle cure” must be to make him feel this great so fast. So, half the town runs and buys this “miracle cure” and starts rubbing it on their bodies. The Queen Wushu Chik, Ryu, Crimson Phoenix, Fa Jing, Silumkid and Prana all stand there looking at the scene.

END OF SCENE 2

7

nice script so far, i enjoy it

8

More to come tomorrow…i am writing it, so DON’T ADD TOO IT!!!

Have a good night and day all!!

~Wen~

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Very assertive isn’t she?

Fixed your links yet?

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Wen: what about me? :confused: :frowning: I guess i’m an even more plain and nondescript exatra than joedoe :smiley: Or maybe i can organise (read: eat) the Food? :smiley:

Prana: seems like you’re just being yourself lol :slight_smile:

david

11

Mean wile

The evil Emperor (Played by DR Evil) from the next Kingdom over the mountian, across the plains and around the block secretly plots to kidnap Queen Wu Shu Chik and force her to watch Barney reruns in her underwear.

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I know I haven’t been around in a few months, but I wanna be in it too!!!

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dezhen2001

Your with me, you are my #1 assistant and right hand man, similar to Smithers from the Simpsons.

Oh, anyone else that is forgotten by “Queen” Wu Shu Chick is also with me to help plot their revenge for being forgotten, ignored and neglected!!!:smiley:

So just sound off,and write your self in to the plot!!!

I need:
An herbalist to formulate the drugs I will use in the kidnapping and powerful love potions that will allow me to have my way with Wu Shu Chick
Body gaurds
Military generals
a cook who’s good with Italian food
Some one to play “Mini Me”
Someone Wu Shu Chick trusts to be a double agent working for me
Advisors to help me hatch my evil scemes
Senator’s in Queen Wu Shu Chicks kindom that are actually on MY payroll.
Black smiths and weapon makers.
A band of midget Ninja puppets
many,many,many Full sized Ninja’s
A lot of fully brainwashed followers.
A lot of fully brain washed and naked FEMALE followers
evil Jedi’s to be in charge of the Ninjas
Anything else I have not thought of yet.

14

I’m sure it was an oversight RD, but Smithers is a complete brown-nosing fairy, he’s as gay as they come. Worse yet is he’s in love with Mr. Burns who’s ATLEAST 100 years old and could pass as Satan’s son.

Anyways, when do we get to the fight scenes?

15

As for my actual role in the film, I would like to drive around in an '83 Lincoln Towncar and run people over.

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Re: dezhen2001

Originally posted by Royal Dragon
Senator’s in Queen Wu Shu Chicks kindom that are actually on MY payroll.

YEAH!, That’s ME! BUAHAHAHA!!!..

:cool: The Senate is being controlled by the Dark Side… We, Evil Mofos Incorporated have clouded their vision…

DEZHEN & WUFUPAUL…you must join Royal Dragon too…and together, we can nutbar this sh¡t…
:mad:

Ta-da…:smiley:

17

Faaammmmmmeeeeee…I waannnnaaaa lliivvveee ffooorrreeevvvveeeerrrrrrr…oops, sorry, I got carried away…it’s my first role you know hehehehe
I couldn’t have hoped better: kick some azz, and massage Wushu Chick’s feet dreamy smile of admiration

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Aww yeah, Felipe!

Since that snotty Queen Wushuchicky left us out, we’ll have no choice but to ruin the movie by sackfacing and nutbarring everyone in the surprise ending! :smiley:

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I want to be in the sequel:
KFO Episode II: Attack of the "."s

Badger

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NORTHERN MANTIS- Keeper of Hot Women

Looks like I got the best job wether the movie is good or not:D

LOL @ Badger:D