How many times have you done laundry and when you were done found one sock missing? More times than I can count. I believe I have finally figured out where the lost sock goes.
For many years I thought the lost sock simply slipped through a wormhole in the space and time continuum and traveled to a land where socks are eternally blessed. But after much thought I have abandoned this theory for a much simpler one.
You notice that when you buy socks you always buy them in PAIRS. This is the root of the problem, for the socks often are not in a pair of their own choosing. They are forcibly mated to a sock not of their own choosing by the manufacturer and at the first opportunity they sneak away to find their mate.
So I am calling a crusade, brothers and sisters! Join with me to STOP FORCED SOCK MARRIAGES! Together we can make a difference! Write your congressman! Write the Sock Manufacturers! Write your Aunt Ethel! This is a fight we can win!
Down south where I come from, forced sock marriages are a way of life. I don’t see nuthin’ wrong with it. In fact, the more alike they look, the more inclined we are to force them dang socks to marry.
Now ‘scuse me. I got to git my shotgun fer tonight’s weddin’.
My socks live in a Bi sexual heirum.
See, one day I was at Target, and I saw that my favorite type of Sock (all white) was on sale really cheap, so I bought like a Gross of them. Then, I just emptied all the socks into the drawer in a random unpaired fashion. Since they are all the same, all I need to do is just pull any two socks out of the drawer at random, and i’m set. This leaves the socks free to pair up as they please.
What is actually occurring is you socks are mating, producing a single offspring, then the parents run off to sock paradise, leaving their offspring to fend for themselves.
The wormhole theory works the best. See, it has to do with a combination of the heat…the light …and the spinning motion produced by the dryer drum. This opens a tempral vortex that transports your sock to a parallel dimension.
This may infact be happening to me, but since all my socks are identical, I have no way of knowing short of taking a census of the sock population.
Also, if they were making babies, and leaving, you would not only be getting an odd missmatched sock, it would be half the size of the other socks as well.
The sock mating theory also raises an interesting question. Where is this sock paradise, and how to socks get there? This brings us back to the possibility of a wormhole.
The problem is not the forced marirage, they were matched mated already in the factory.
Thus buying them and wearing them loosens that bond.
You see the wormhole theory is correct, because they are not tied together one get sucked in & the other one soon gets soo loney that it will try to follow into the Vortex.
If a wormhole is to blame, there is a simple solution. If we tie our socks together before putting them in the dryer, we will never lose single socks. No matter how many socks are lost, we will always have matching pairs.
I tried it, didn’t work. One always wriggled free.
If you want to escape the worm hole, you have to avoid it from the start, and dry your sock on a Laundry line in the back yard.
As soon as you even attempt to use a dryer, you create the wormhole, and socks (Which are small enough) will slip through.
Just be thankfull the Dryer is too primitive to create a big worm hole, or your jeans would get sucked in too :eek:
Originally posted by shaolin kungfu The sock mating theory also raises an interesting question. Where is this sock paradise, and how to socks get there? This brings us back to the possibility of a wormhole.
The sock paradise is next to the elephant graveyard, but no-one knows where it is or how to get there
this reminds me of that episode of ren and stimpy, where they went to that alien planet and discovered a smelly mountain where all the world’s missing left socks were piled. It was like a parallel universe where all the missing left socks escaped to or something. Then at the end ren and stimpy imploded because they didnt have bus fare.
Well, perhaps I was incorrect, the general concensus seems to support the wormhole theory.
That brings up another question though. When the wormhole is activated, do the socks slip through of their own accord OR IS SOMETHING PULLING THEM THROUGH? (Cue spooky music)
Maybe sock parents tell their offspring scary stories about “the dryer monster” that will get them if they misbehave!
