When things go wrong in life, my training has always been able to put me back on track. Sometimes I feel as though its the only thing I can rely on. I’ve developed a passion for martial arts over the years and eventually I’d like to teach.
My problem is I think I might be a bit obsessed with MA. I’ve started seeing this girl but she doesn’t think I’ll have enough time for her because of my training. We’re going to give it a go and see how we get on. The truth is I’m thinking of putting more hours into my training!!
I’m 20 now and never been able to get into a relationship that lasts any longer than a few months. I’m not that bothered as I have plenty of time before I’m ready to get settled, but I’m wondering if I should keep my focus on my training like I am or start to make compromises? To be honest I don’t really want a relationship now but I’m wondering if being a bit of a recluse will affect me when I’m older.
Anyone else find your training affects your relationships?
screw her. (literally, if possible, if not, then oh well :p)
She has to realize that you have something that you enjoy doing. You may even consider asking her to train in something. But, if she tries to force you to compromise your happiness for her, I’d let her go.
Yes, it will definitely affect your relationship. Believe me. The key is not to decrease your training but to truly prioritize the rest of your life. My 2 1/2 year relationship with the girl I love just ended last week because of my stupid, messed-up priorities. MA training is a positive aspect of your life. You need to figure out some not-quite-as-positive aspects of your life and put them on the back burner if you want to make it work. Depends on how high this girl fits into your priority heirarchy. Good luck!
Girls generally like it when you have passions in your life that take you away from them, as much as they complain. The reason is that they hope that one day you will have the same passion for them that you do for your other activities.
A guy with no passion… with no dreams…with no higher aspirations… is as boring to a woman as a fugly chick is to a man.
Go after your dreams and let the women get all lathered up trying to seduce you away from them. Just don’t let them actually seduce you away from them!!! Ultimately… you are the one that has to live your life and you are the one that has to make it what you want it to be.
my girlfriend used to ***** about the amount of time i spent in the basement (it was about 3 hours a night and all day sunday), but she’d only really ***** when we were fighting about something else. she’d try to win the argument by giving me guilt trips about spending all my time training.
now looking back, it was a bit much and im not going to do that this time around. then again if we were goin along then like we are now i wonder if it would have even mattered. some might think that our relationship might be better now because i havent been able to train, but the fact is i had some growing up to do and so did she. she had to finally learn to pick up a ****ing mop once in a while (i am a neat freak but it was ****ing ridiculous) and i had to learn to stop punching holes in walls. once we both learned these skills things got about 100 times better.
its all about balance like anything else. since i got a kid and all that i cant train the way i used to unless i wake up early and get most of it out of the way then … you can make time to do it if its important to you, but you shouldnt be doing it all the time of day you have to spend with your family like i pretty much did. if you dont have a kid and all that she can learn to work around your schedule a little too if you show some willingness to work around hers.
*i think i should edit this for more sense later … post made quickly before i hava make dinner.
I had the same dilemma. What it comes down to is that if you are serious about her, then you will have to make some compromises. If she tries to stop you from training from the get-go, then she is being unreasonable. If after some time when you get more serious and she asks for more of your time, then you have to decide if she is important enough to you for you to compromise your training schedule.
Ultimately it becomes a question of balance. To many of us, martial arts are an important part of our lives, however this needs to be balanced against all other aspects of your life. Relationships are important too.
What it boiled down to for me was whether I wanted to be a great martial artist but have lousy relationships, or whether I wanted to have a more balanced life. I chose the latter, and I think most teachers would probably advise you to seek balance too.
It depends. It really affected one past relationship. To the point it was tearing us apart. It was ayt a critical time too when I was testing for my black sash :rolleyes:
Anyway’s the relationship did not last, and I made sure never to let myself get into a situation like that again.
I used to hear things like “women and kung fu don’t mix” but it’s not really 100% true. It depends on the person and your partner has to understand your passion. If they can’t relate or if they can’t respect you, then things are doomed.
First off, if she’s ALREADY complaining that you might not have enough time for her, kick her to the curb. You, sir, are seeing a high-maintenance woman with possible obsessive/compulsive tendencies. She’ll be the type that calls your house every 15 minutes even when she’s know you’re not home, just to make sure you didn’t lie to her about the reasons you can’t be with her at that particular moment.
If you need to go the store she probably won’t let you go alone because she’s probably got abadonement issues as well.
I’d find out if her mom and dad are still together. If they’re not, you’re going to become the surrogate “Poppa that never paid attention to me.”
My advice to is go find some crazy Puerto Rican girl that hits you all the time, instead. In the long run, she’d be less of a pain than this possible psycho you’re about to attach yourself to…
Or find an ex-world class athlete that trained 12 hours a day in her prime who understands the commitment that it takes to train in any sport or art. And then get her to start going to class with you. It helps if she can cook.
Or do what I did… Find someone who thinks the fact that you train Kung Fu is cool, respects you for it and likes that you put time and effort into something that’s good for your body and your mind.
You need a secure, independent person. Date someone who has thier own life, then they won’t have a hard time understanding that you have one too.
Stay away from this one you’re talking about though, sounds like trouble from the start. Good luck with your training!
She’s not Blooming Lotis and she isn’t an ex-power lifter with a hoo-hoo twice as big as my pee-pee. (WTF?) She was a world champion at her sport when she was a teenager.
And yes Sean, she will be around in April. In fact, her place is on the west end of Knxoville so we will probably crash there that Friday and then go to my gym and train on Saturday.
With my wife I laid down the law when we were getting to know her. I let her know that she would always be my first priority, but my martial ats came a really close second and if she really loved me she would understand that. It turns out it worked out in the end since she’s now doig capoeira
