One for the married

Wai Jia: The Kung Fu Forum Kung Fu Forum
1

I often hear spouses as a reason why men can’t train as much as they’d like, etc., etc.

I understand the cliche of the nagging wife but I don’t understand this in practice. From my experience, the harder you train the better shape you’ll be in. Women like abbs, no?

What’s more, you’d probably return mellow, empty minded and content.

And lastly, as much as no one wants to admit it, women respect a man that will tell them to fu(k off, and do what they want to do, what they feel is right and necessary for themselves to be a content man.

Am I completely off base? I have two good women in my life and one is showing real potential; neither of them give me hell. But these stories scare me. Married men are always giving me warnings.

2

We’re very very equal in my marriage. Except that she’s got a traditional Japanese thing going on of wanting to cook for me etc (well, it’s not just Japanese I know, but there are far fewer western women who’ll be so ‘domesticated’ these days)…

But anyway, I would let her follow her hobbies if she had any to speak of, and she lets me follow mine. She draws the line at a high possibility of my getting injured, as she’s had to shoulder my workload (taking out the rubbish, carrying the shopping/babycar/baby etc) as well as in some cases help me out physically due to a couple of very serious bouts of various spinal damage in the last four years. Since my high risk activities then cause her problems (which sometimes impact on her health too) that’s a fair enough restriction I think.

3

My Sifu is a wise man…

One day somebody asked my Sifu what was the most powerful type of kung fu. Without even blinking he replied “Woman Kung Fu”. When asked what this meant- he said, “you see, it goes like this… Honey, I’m going to kung fu tonight to work out with the guys…” her reply “NO YOU’RE NOT!!!”… your response is “ok, guess I’ll stay home with you and the kids…”

The moral of the story- stay single if you want to do good kung fu. As Charlie Sheen would say “You don’t pay the hooker for sex, you pay her to LEAVE.”

4

Can’t argue with that.

I met a really cool young women last year in NYC, a young white girl with a tea room. Turns out her dad’s Buddhist and studied in Japan with a tea master. She’s very hip for her age (22) and has a little gangster in her from growing up in DC. She’s visiting me for a few days in Oct.

We’re going to go to the beach every day, but while she’s here (4 days) I will invite her to come to BJJ but I’m not missing. I’m willing to skip the one boxing class I’d have during her time here.

My philosophy is one of, this is who I am, this is essential to me. But maybe that’s why I’m still single:)

She wants me to teach her to surf. And I’d love it if she not only watched the BJJ training but took part. She’s got a nice little body but if she surfed and did BJJ and I’d be looking at a killer body for some time. Priorities.

5

[QUOTE=Ray Pina;882516]I often hear spouses as a reason why men can’t train as much as they’d like, etc., etc.

I understand the cliche of the nagging wife but I don’t understand this in practice. From my experience, the harder you train the better shape you’ll be in. Women like abbs, no?

What’s more, you’d probably return mellow, empty minded and content.

And lastly, as much as no one wants to admit it, women respect a man that will tell them to fu(k off, and do what they want to do, what they feel is right and necessary for themselves to be a content man.

Am I completely off base? I have two good women in my life and one is showing real potential; neither of them give me hell. But these stories scare me. Married men are always giving me warnings.[/QUOTE]

Wow! I can only imagine what would happen if I told my wife to fu(k off. You may want to consider a prenup. Women and men put on their best faces when their dating it’s not until you marry that the real people come out (trust me on this). My wife totally changed after I said “I do” but because of my never quit personality I’ll continue eating spoonful after spoonful of sh#t until deaths sweet release.

P.S. I train when she’s not home so I dont get in trouble.

6

another little diddy—

A man marries a woman hoping that she’ll never change…
but they always do.

A woman marries a man hoping to change him…
but they never do.

7

The biggest hindrance to me becomming a super bad mutha f@cka has been the fact that I dated seriously as a teen and married young.

I’m not saying that being married is all bad- but, if you are serious about martial arts- you can’t get married and you can’t even have too deep of a relationship. Goes for your career too.

Women are naturally jealous of anything that takes your attention away from them- including training.

8

[QUOTE=Ray Pina;882516]I often hear spouses as a reason why men can’t train as much as they’d like, etc., etc.[/quote]

My wife nags me when I don’t train enough!

9

Getting married isn’t that big of a detriment, especially if you marry a woman that has her own hobbies or interests.

Mostly, kids and yard work eat away all my free time.

Before we had kids or a house, I trained 5 or 6 days a week and she never complained. Now, I’m lucky to get three 1.5 hour classes a week, but not because she complains. I just have too many other things to do.

However, limiting my time has actually forced me to focus more, which has been beneficial to my actual fighting skills. Just don’t ask me to do a form right now. :o

10

Now that you’re in your 30’s, it isn’t a bad idea to get married- but, I would never suggest that it’s a good idea to get married before 30. Don’t do it! There’s so much out there to see and do- getting married young is a big NO NO.

My wife’s not bad- not at all- but- even she would agree that marriage and kids are major life changers— so, if there’s something that you’re hoping to do or to accomplish for yourself- do it before you even think about getting married.

11

[QUOTE=Ray Pina;882516]

Am I completely off base? I have two good women in my life and one is showing real potential; neither of them give me hell. But these stories scare me. Married men are always giving me warnings.[/QUOTE]

… :rolleyes:

You wuss

12

let them know, from day one, that this is who you are, and this is what you do.

That being said, every woman has always had the issue about being second fiddle to MA. Even women that did Kung-Fu. Go figure.

You also need to learn about compromise.
Here’s some examples:

I wanted to get the tanks and fenders painted on my chop. Black with candy deep red flames over gold metallic, with the gold outlining the red-cool.
She wanted to carpet the livingroom.
-so we compromised.
we carpeted the livingroom.

I wanted this sweet Remington 700 sniper Rifle, McMillan stock,Leopold Variax III scope, Harris bipod, one minute of angle out of the box (1/4"drop at 100 yds)…
She wanted a new wall unit..for the livingroom,..that we carpeted..
-so we compromised
we got the wall unit

are you beginning to see a pattern yet?

Ahhhh, but wait. It gets better:
I wanted this Craftsman compresser. Y’know, so I can get all these cool air tools, and spray gun, and work on the chop. I’ve been collecting quite a few odd motors,frames, fron ends,and I have a partially built Triumph chopper, waiting to become a great project…

She bought me the compressor for my birthday!!!
did’ja hear that? SHE BOUGHT ME THE COMPRESSOR!!!

so now I can spray paint the livingroom walls to go with the carpet and the new wall unit…

oh, did I mention that with this new compressor I can powerwash the patio, and the siding?
Oh Joy!

I am now single, with my compressor and my dog to keep me company.
I also have the Remington, and have my eyes on a matched pair of Kimbar 1911’s

13

TenTigers, your cool meter just went through the roof! I didn’t know you were so bad a$$ with bikes and what not. Right on.

14

Here’s my thing though:

Don’t you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn’t ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won’t admit it to you.

15

[QUOTE=Ray Pina;882548]Here’s my thing though:

Don’t you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn’t ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won’t admit it to you.[/QUOTE]

You just have to balance it, bro. Otherwise, what’s the point of being married?

16

[QUOTE=Ray Pina;882548]Here’s my thing though:

Don’t you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn’t ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won’t admit it to you.[/QUOTE]

Dude…you are going to be so disappointed.

17

spousal support

A few years into marriage my wife told me that she used to be jealous of the time i spent away from her while training, but she had learned that it was part of what made me the man she fell in love with. She also stated that it gave me the society of friends who were the most honorable men she had ever known. I still think that’s the best compliment she ever gave me.

A license to train whenever i wish!

Of course, i abuse her trust terribly and sometimes don’t come home until nigh midnight. But i have few other vices. I don’t have television and have no interest in gambling, partying or sports so there is still plenty of family time.

My advice: choose a partner who trusts your judgment and life will be good.

Be well.

jd

18

I have been blessed that my wife understands that my training is important to me and she knows that I would like to start up a school in the future. She understands this and now she is training along side with me! :slight_smile:

She is now training and enjoys it sooo much now. I think she now knows why I love this stuff so much!

19

If you kow tow to a women, they will leave. It’s in built. First they will push you down as far as they can, then they will hit the road.

Just remember that you can’t think like a woman, so don’t start pretending that you understand her, she isn’t a man, and while you may think that you get it, you don’t.

If you do that you’ll be fine.

If she leaves anyway, atleast she won’t leave you with a concept of self that is so emotionally abused that your a complete self loathing *****.

I think we are all old enough to understand the reality of the matter is that she is no different from the next one. There are higher, lower and same grades all around you.

Also, it is wise to keep your options open while you have a woman.

20

[QUOTE=Ray Pina;882548]Here’s my thing though:

Don’t you guys think your wife will love you more, appreciate you more, if you get home from work, got all your chores done, grabbed your bag and just went to the gym. Didn’t ask. Just did it.

Be there and love her and support her. Appreciate that you have a good woman. But all this talk of the Tao the other day, I honestly feel life is best and lived most fully and closest to Godliness when being true to oneself in all endeavors. What you think might **** her off might might show another side of your manhood and turn her on, though she won’t admit it to you.[/QUOTE]

… :rolleyes: