Review: Takeshi Shaolin Ninjitsu Commune

Wai Jia: The Kung Fu Forum Shaolin Kung Fu
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Location: Shaolin Ninjitsu Commune, 5426 Crenshaw Blvd, behind Crenshaw Yoga & Dance

After traveling a long distance and providing my credentials Grandmaster Sensei had his students perform a background analysis. When the results came back I was invited inside the dojo to train.

Grandmaster Sensei himself was not running the class. The gentleman who was suggested “let’s warm up with a game of grab ass”.

“Grab ass, I’m not familiar with that” I said

“Just sit and watch the first round” He replied, “it’s simple enough, you’ll catch on”.

So I sat in the corner.

‘Grab ass’ was just what it sounded like. A bunch of guys dressed up like ninjas (no women were there) were running around, hands cupped, trying to grab both cheeks.

This is very odd I thought to myself. Nevertheless I thought the real Shaolin Ninjitsu must be comming soon. I wanted to learn the deadly art. There are people who need to die.

Time goes on and finally Sensei Hoyle suggusts a new game. He calls this game “grab ass with a reach around”.

Sure enough the game is exactly as it sounds. Sensei mentioned that there is a rule, you must have the ass cupped in order to reach around. They invited me to play, and my response was “no thanks, I’m really not into that kind of thing. Perhaps me coming here was a mistake, I’m just going to leave now”.

At that moment Grandmaster Sensei Takeshi walked in and shouted:

“You know what goes on here, you cannot leave”!

“Grandmaster Sensei Takeshi Ukeno and Judo Grandmaster Andy would never approve of this kind of behavior in the dojo” I challanged. He knew it was true. He knew I had studied with both of them. He also knew I learned Tai Shing Pek Kwar from Chan Tai San.

“What are you waiting for, get him” Grandmaster Sensei shouted at his students.

Four of them surrounded me. I then executed a butterfly twist which knocked into all of them and rendered them unconscious.

Just then a large student of Grandmaster Sensei approached. This guy looked like Lurch from the Adams family. He came at me, hands cupped, ready to grab my ass. Luckily for me, Grandmaster Andy (Judo fist grandmaster) had taught me the power of sprint running, and I was out of there.

Conclusion: Somehow Grandmaster Sensei has weak controll of his students and class. It has been infiltrated. I have not lost respect for you, but you need to retake your organization before your reputation is ruined permanently.

Rating: ** out of *****

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So ur saying you beat up 4 Ninja’s? LOL!! Big deal!! ninjas are easy to beat in smll numbers…well, they are easy to beat in large numbers tooo!!! :smiley:

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ninjas are easy to kill untill,…they flip out and kill people:smiley:

ya, i know its been posted before

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Sorry you went thru such an ordeal, bodhitree. Sounds like no fun at all.

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Perhaps youd be happier in the Wudang-Shaolin Ninja Do Pai. It was founded in the Three Kingdoms period by General Tso. The Wudang-Shaolin Ninja Do Pai teaches deadly arts such as Wudang-Shaolin Ninjitsu, Greco-Roman Aiki-Ninjitsu, Brazilian Ninjitsu, General Tsos Chicken Fist, Dim Mak-Jutsu, Judo Katana Chuan, and Samurai Tai Chi Fut Chuan. There is also a strong emphasis on the mind of the dragon spiritual, which blends well with the essence of enlightenment of the tiger spiritual.

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ROFL…what is this doing in the shaolin forums?? :smiley: :smiley:

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[QUOTE=Immortal_Dragon;783682]ROFL…what is this doing in the shaolin forums?? :smiley: :D[/QUOTE]

Sounds like it needs to be in a rape type of forum…

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[QUOTE=Immortal_Dragon;783682]ROFL…what is this doing in the shaolin forums?? :smiley: :D[/QUOTE]
Can’t you see Shaolin in the title?

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[QUOTE=Immortal_Dragon;783682]ROFL…what is this doing in the shaolin forums?? :smiley: :D[/QUOTE]
http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/showpost.php?p=780701&postcount=8

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To bodhitree: The history of the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai

During the Three Kingdoms period the great General Tso grew weary of battle and sought the mind of the tiger spiritual in the mountains. For many years he meditated on the true spiritual until he had a revelation. While practicing traditional empty force techniques of General Tso’s Chicken Fist, the essence of enlightenment filled his spirit. He had acquired not only the mind of the tiger spiritual, but also the mind of the dragon spiritual. From here he gathered followers and taught them his ways. He passed away after living a fulfilling life but continued to lead his clan from beyond the grave. Eventually, monks from both Wudang and Shaolin joined General Tso, bringing their martial arts into the clan. A few centuries later, groups of General Tso clan members traveled to Japan in search of adventure. They brought back with them a group of Japanese warriors, mostly Ninjas, but also a good number of Ronin, for the purposes of incorporating Budo into our clan. General Tso observed that at this point, his clan mostly consisted of Wudang, Shaolin, and Ninja. He brought together the disciplines of each into one style, Wudang-Shaolin Ninjitsu, and renamed his clan the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai. After this, he formed other arts as new styles were introduced into our clan. The oldest is General Tso’s Chicken Fist, which was created by General Tso many years before he retreated into the mountains and founded the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai. The latest is Brazilian Ninjitsu.

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I do not find this amusing in the least.

Not only have you tarnished the reputation of my commune, but you have insulted Grandmaster Andy, Sensei Hoyle, and every student enrolled in our organization. You painted a caricature of myself, and you’ve thereby insulted Grandmaster Senseis Takeshi Ukeno and Chan Tai San.

I figured I was being set up to be punked. But I find out I was wrong all along.

Bodhitree, you’re nothing but a little bratty punk.

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bodhitree

Jokes of this nature can be harmful. Word spreads quickly. If what you posted is indeed false, I suggest you tell us the truth to repair any damage that may have been done to Grandmaster Sensei John Takeshi’s reputation.

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How do you even render 4 ninjas unconscious with one move? :confused:

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[SIZE=“5”][URL=“http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=3891&d=1185281899”]
A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM CHAN TAI SAN
[/SIZE]

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[QUOTE=lkfmdc;783853][SIZE=“5”][URL=“http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=3891&d=1185281899”]
A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM CHAN TAI SAN
[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

LOL! I love it.

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Little Known Fact…
The great exploits of General Tso and the fierce reputation of his WuDang Ninja Do P’ai did not go unnoticed in China. Many warriors who met defeat at his hands, fled China and sought refuge in Gum-San, America’s San Francisco, as well as NY’s Chinatowns. There, they became laborers, more specific resteraunt workers, and chefs. Cowardice takes many shapes, but the lowest are those who attack while safely hiding behind their mother’s skirts, or shouting out names as they run and hide.(we’ve all seen this, sometimes people after being defeated soundly get very brave as their foe is driving away, and they hurl insults and racial slurs.
This very thing has crept into our culture under our very noses, and is cleverly disguised as the mundane. The reality is, the popular Chinese dish made of pieces of chicken dipped in waterchestnut powder,stir-freid and served with a sweet and pungent sauce, is not named in honor of General Tso, but originally named to insult the Famous Martial Warrior.
Originally, they called it, “GENERAL TSO IS CHICKEN!”, but said fast, it becomes General Tso’s Chicken.
The ingredients themselves are symbolic and add insult to injury as well. Waterchestnut powder implies that one’s testicles are shrivled and tiny, as one gets when they emerge from a pool. Many a less than well-endowed Ninja suffered grave humilaiation at the hands of his trainng brothers with the taunting he got in the public baths of Japan.
“Hey, Waterchestnuts! Nice package-What are ya smuggling down there-peas?”
Originally, the tartness of the sauce did not come from the addition of vinegar, but of urine, however if word were to leak out (hahahaha! very punny!) the tourism in Chinatowns would suffer. The procedure for making the dish required the chef to defiantly (and cowardly) say aloud while urinating on the chicken,
“Ha! I **** on you , you little chicken!”
That is why, out of respect, I refuse to order this dish, and wisely choose the Fishballs instead, symbolically saying t o the chef,“Your balls smell like fish, because you can only afford the cheap,opium smoking prostitutes that walk the docks, with their privates reeking of halibut to the point that cats follow them home and seagulls circle them constantly.”

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To John

Hey John,

aren’t you Mega-Foot?

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(Halibut was used in earlier times before the creation of feminine hygiene (which is not what a feagella says to greet Gene) spray.) Kinda like the difference between antiperspirant and deoderant…
-another little known fact

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[QUOTE=TenTigers;783878]Little Known Fact…
The great exploits of General Tso and the fierce reputation of his WuDang Ninja Do P’ai did not go unnoticed in China. Many warriors who met defeat at his hands, fled China and sought refuge in Gum-San, America’s San Francisco, as well as NY’s Chinatowns. There, they became laborers, more specific resteraunt workers, and chefs. Cowardice takes many shapes, but the lowest are those who attack while safely hiding behind their mother’s skirts, or shouting out names as they run and hide.(we’ve all seen this, sometimes people after being defeated soundly get very brave as their foe is driving away, and they hurl insults and racial slurs.
This very thing has crept into our culture under our very noses, and is cleverly disguised as the mundane. The reality is, the popular Chinese dish made of pieces of chicken dipped in waterchestnut powder,stir-freid and served with a sweet and pungent sauce, is not named in honor of General Tso, but originally named to insult the Famous Martial Warrior.
Originally, they called it, “GENERAL TSO IS CHICKEN!”, but said fast, it becomes General Tso’s Chicken.
The ingredients themselves are symbolic and add insult to injury as well. Waterchestnut powder implies that one’s testicles are shrivled and tiny, as one gets when they emerge from a pool. Many a less than well-endowed Ninja suffered grave humilaiation at the hands of his trainng brothers with the taunting he got in the public baths of Japan.
“Hey, Waterchestnuts! Nice package-What are ya smuggling down there-peas?”
Originally, the tartness of the sauce did not come from the addition of vinegar, but of urine, however if word were to leak out (hahahaha! very punny!) the tourism in Chinatowns would suffer. The procedure for making the dish required the chef to defiantly (and cowardly) say aloud while urinating on the chicken,
“Ha! I **** on you , you little chicken!”
That is why, out of respect, I refuse to order this dish, and wisely choose the Fishballs instead, symbolically saying t o the chef,“Your balls smell like fish, because you can only afford the cheap,opium smoking prostitutes that walk the docks, with their privates reeking of halibut to the point that cats follow them home and seagulls circle them constantly.”[/QUOTE]
It’s good to see a fellow Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai member on the message board.
Outsiders who are aware of our clan’s existance often ponder the connection between our illustrious leader and the dish called “General Tso’s Chicken.” What makes the actions of the cowardly all the worse is the fact that General Tso’s Chicken Fist is our most ancient art. When Americans first joined the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai, we used a different translation for the style. However, mere mention of learning the ways of General Tso’s **** was met with uproarious laughter, so we decided to translate it as General Tsos Chicken Fist. Unfortunately, the great insult that TenTigers mentioned occurred a decade or so later. After the villainous dish spread in popularity we thought of changing the translation once again, this time to General Tsos Rooster Fist. Alas, the American students did not take well to the change and continued to call it General Tsos Chicken Fist, echoing the great insult.

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Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai’s secret form list

(do not share with ANYONE!)