I don’t know you, Ryu, so it’s hard to say. You certainly don’t come across as a person with personality defects.
Where I train, I’ve seen several people get the equivalent of a BB and leave, never to return. I know they took no more MA thereafter. That was a goal for them, and after that … they could see nothing, I guess.
My instructor talks about “carrying the weight of your belt”. A level which implies instructional ability also carries with it some obligations. If not to teach or run your own school, at least to be an example to other students. That DOES mean you have to carry yourself and act a little differently. Also, you wear that belt, you’re expected to be able to back it up with the skill it implies. now and forever.
Like Royce (or Rickson? can’t remember which) said, “a belt covers two inches of your a$$. You’d better be able to cover the rest”. I guess it also implies some obligation to the instructor and organisation from which you got that belt.
Dunno man, but maybe you do have some fear of commitment.
IMHO though the best thing about MA is belonging. Nearly everybody talks about doing MA to become skillful, badass, etc. etc. All about themselves.
Few talk about the friendships and bonds that come from years spent honing skills as a group, learning from those more knowledgeable and helping those less knowledgeable along the way. What Scott Sonnon calls “tribal strengthening”. Being the “highest” grade in the class sure ain’t about getting the adulation of your juniors - you’re always uke, you’re always expected to stand in when the teacher has obligations outside the school. You fluff something, EVERYONE notices. But seeing the look on a student’s face when you they finally “get” a technique after your assistance, or their response to just a little of your individual attention, means more to me than being top badass, knowing more techniques than anyone else, having a nice sidekick, or whatever.
That said, I got my BB-equivalent about five years ago, and the nidan equivalent about two. But the next grade I’m really aspiring to is a blue belt in BJJ.
Why not just get one BB? Just see what it’s like …