Tonight I totaled my car, and crashed it headfirst into a downward road rail. I’m not gonna get into the details about it because this post isn’t about that. Miraculously I’m not hurt. Not even a scratch. My muscles are a little sore because I braced my self and absorbed the impact, but other than that things are okay.
When I crashed I somehow knew I wasn’t going to be hurt…
the strangest thing is that I was coming home from a heart to heart talk with a girlfriend of mine, and we were talking about how angry I’ve felt at things lately, and how I’m growing more annoyed, angry, etc. at people and things.
If I had died tonight…I wouldn’t have left much to the world except anger. That’s pretty sad. I spend too much time complaining about bad things, and not doing what it takes to make a difference in things. I’m too timid to jump into things I think. I hide it with big muscles and a tough guy face, and martial art skills. But the truth is, I have struggled a lot through my life with insecurity, and low confidence. Meanwhile people go past me and do what they do for the world.
I’m determined right now not to simply be someone who doesn’t leave something for the world. I feel there are a lot of “wrongs” out there, and I’m going to speak my mind on them.
I have also found a path to focus all my energies on training and martial arts. I am not going to fight in NHB, I’m not going to worry about tough guy stuff anymore. I’m going to focus my training and energy into the realms of writing, entertainment, teaching self-defense, and trying to leave my mark in what I feel is the right way to see certain things.
I’m going to write a book on JKD (my experiences with it, and I don’t care who likes it or not. I’m not going to keep pushing myself back because I’m too afraid of people who are “better” then me who will say I’m not good or whatever other stupid insecurity I’ve had since I was a kid. I’m starting somewhere, so I am going to teach self-defense, privately at first, but maybe get into it more professionally, and get another instructorship in JKD (next will be full instructorship)
Plus I’m going to write about what I feel is right and wrong, and how I think MA training should effect those things. I’m going to try and break into entertainment somehow and show people the way “I” think … what my feelings are. My self-expression.
And I don’t care if it sounds dumb, idealistic, cute, whatever…
I’m not going to quit. I’m not going to shy away from my future.
You never know how much time you have,
and I’m not going to spend it complaining and being angry. I’m not going to spend it being afraid. I’m going to deal with any crisis with a controlled and calm spirit, just like I did tonight.
This is exactly the reason your so popular around here Ryu, you speak from your heart and you follow your own path.
Im glad to hear your not hurt regarding the accident and im doubly glad to hear it has given you a new zest for life.
Im glad i read this post, im just off to my girlfriends 21st birthday and this has put me in a fine mood. Your a good man Ryu and when you publish your book be sure to let us all know. There is proberly many here including me who would be very interested in your writings. One day i hope to write and teach myself so as to give something back.
All the best
Jon
Funnily I have learned that some of the meanest toughest looking People are also some with the softest.
If you wann see the same go with some of the “tough” Bikers on a “Toy-Run” and afterwards help them distribute the Toys in Orphanages and Wards for terminally ill Children.
You will hardly see a dry eye.
On of the most rewarding things I everr did was help redecorate and refurbish a Hospital for handicapped children.
We even painted a 3x4 metres mural for them. Wife did the Design.
It was all done on one weekend and we never met the Kids, but got feedback from the Hospital afterwards.
Reason why I organised it. My company had a world help day and mucked it up royally. So we Bikers managed to get ALL materials donated and voluntered our free time.
So what’s the purpose of this long post.
“True tough Guys know when to be tough and when to be soft.”
Well hon…
We all in the KFO chatroom are glad you are ok, and that everything came into focus for you. It’s horrible that something like a car accident would make you realize all this, but it’s also good in a way as well! We all wish you the best of luck!
Ryu, completely relived to hear you are not hurt, but what a beautiful and inspirational post. Im glad that you walked away from this horific incident with a positive view on your future:)
I believe that there is a reason for everything, so perhaps, the reason for this accident is so you could choose or follow your destint accordingly.
Peace be with everyone.
Just hope you still have your sense of humour, cos that my friend is a true healer.
was having a chat with wen and she found out – i about flipped. she said you were okay, and i was much better.
almost flipped out and kicked my mom in the head for a second.
anyhoo, i’m glad you’re okay, i’m glad you’ve come to some positive realizations (especially the writing part) and i hope this is a turning point for the best for you.
I’m relieved that you’re okay. Very much so, cause often in life it doesn’t work that way.
I enjoyed the story you posted recently, because I was just There. I was in the scene within a couple of sentences. Have you thought of doing screenplays? Like turning one of your stories into 3D artform. I know that sounds rather ambitious, but it occurred to me.
Know how it feels to realize that changes have to be made. The shift inside mind and heart can be triggered by one of a combination of immediate factors. All of a sudden, there is momentum, and it’s rapid. It happened to me over the month.
We all have fears of how our ideas and how we, ourselves, will be received in this world which can be so cruel. Self confidence is shored up by self-liking. People can shower you with all kinds of ooohh’s and aahh’s, but if there is inner dissatisfaction, like anger over not feeling able to do something about that is important to you cause you don’t have the confidence, or, a person could feel very low on the food chain of life (under the thumbs of others who would do better to sit on their hands), that takes away from that liking. Over time, it does harm. I think you threw off some baggage with the jolt. Good job! You sound like a good guy.
I hope that you meet with success in a timely fashion.
It’s weird how you need a near-death experience to realize what’s really important in life isn’t it? I feel ya…
I believe out of everything bad that happens to you, something good can come from it. Be it an accident, a breakup, losing yr job, etc. It’s all how you look at it. Obviously, Ryu, you found the “good” in this - it’s cool that you’re smart enough to take advantage of that to make changes that are positive…
well, i’m a day behind with this, but still Ryu, glad you’re ok
I agree with what some of the others have said also Your posts have always been very informative, so i’m sure you’ll do a good job at whatever you turn your hand to
Same. 3 weeks ago i drove my friend home in his car (he said i was insured) near his inbread house in wales. anyway to cut a long story short, the brakes failed, and we ended up hitting a flat brick wall at 40mph. this was 2 days before my maths exam. we didn’t get hurt. car was obviously a write off. good job he had an estate. we wen’t head first into the wall.
but just for fun, it turns out i wasn’t insured. i was gonna goto prison according to his brother, who is a solicitor. this had me stressing for a week and we both went into a deep depression… we’reboth out of it now (we don’t have time to be depressed, we have too much work) but we def. have had our heads fu.cked with. i know how traumatising it is, ok, no one died (hopefully) or was hurt so it’s not like the end of the world (you still got your health etc) but it still fu.cks u up. i was feeling low and couldn’t even be bothered to post about it here, that’s what depression does to u (lol).
managed to blag it at the police station a week later and made up some elaborate story about how the insurance papers which actually say that i’m not insured mean that i am. guess i got the giift of gab!
it’s my mates fault for having faulty brakes (car not serviced) and thinking i was insured when i wasn’t but i still felt pretty much wholly responcible. But i pressed the brakes and nothing happened! It wouldn’t turn either cos the brakes were ABS and so turning the wheel did nothing.
In fact the policeman checked them at the scene of the crime and said… “boys… i just checked your brakes… and i pressed the pedal and it went all the way to the floor… now… you don’t want me to file a report for faulty brakes… DO YOU?” (at this point we all thought it was insured). we thanked him for turning a blind eye.
sorry for jackin ur thread.
self defence is a great way to pass knowledge on. i hope for all best for you man.
j/k Ryu, we know you’re a gent!