Bullies....

Wai Jia: The Kung Fu Forum Kung Fu Forum
21

But it isn’t good for much else. I used to actually believe it motivated me. So many stoners actually believe that. Inspire maybe, motivate, not so much. We fooled ourselves into believing it was ok because we were still active. What we didn’t realize is that we would have been more active without it.

Well, since you left weed way back in the dinosaur age it has changed dramatically since then. There is weed to make you relax n sleep. there is some that keep you energized and focused. other strains of the plant can benefit cancer patients who cannot eat due to nausea but the weed gives them the super munchies.

I support medical marijuana.

22

[QUOTE=sanjuro_ronin;1158470]I think that every instructor has had at least one of those and these are the teachers that, in the past, went on to be far more careful in what and to whom they teach.
The was a time that MA were the “bullies” of the time and while now that is less of the case, I wonder how the future will be with more access to MA than ever before and not as many teachers being “judges of character”.[/QUOTE]

with great skill comes great responsibility!!!:wink: lol

I agree.

Classic Karate Kid lesson, ay! Kinda cheesy but true none the less.

But how much responsibility does an instructor have to a child that has been failed by their parents? You could just turn them away and hope they don’t find a teacher without scruples. Taking that on isn’t your job. Not for that kind of money anyways. Some MA teachers just happen to be great with kids tho, and that’s all good. But it shouldn’t be expected. I guess it depends if you’re running a serious school, an MA daycare or a mix of both.

23

[QUOTE=hskwarrior;1158550]Well, since you left weed way back in the dinosaur age it has changed dramatically since then. There is weed to make you relax n sleep. there is some that keep you energized and focused. other strains of the plant can benefit cancer patients who cannot eat due to nausea but the weed gives them the super munchies.

I support medical marijuana.[/QUOTE]

How old do you think I am? Trust me, I live in Vancouver BC. When you get chronic, it came from here. We are in the top 3 on the planet. And it’s cheap.

Weed is great for nausea. I was talking about abuse, not use. Like I said, I like to smoke and relax. Any weed that takes you UP is not cool. That isn’t selective breeding, that is genetically modified. Saty away from that sh1t, you get it enough at the supermarket.

24

How old do you think I am? Trust me, I live in Vancouver BC. When you get chronic, it came from here. We are in the top 3 on the planet. And it’s cheap.

Weed is great for nausea. I was talking about abuse, not use. Like I said, I like to smoke and relax. Any weed that takes you UP is not cool. That isn’t selective breeding, that is genetically modified. Saty away from that sh1t, you get it enough at the supermarket.

humboldt bro..humboldt… :smiley:

25

Well if you’re not even gonna try to take a different angle of attack on the issue, nothing will change.

everything advocated here has been done to death and it’s still an issue.

-fight the bully
-tell a teacher
-speak with the bully’s parents

I’m not saying everything in the world can be made right, it can’t, but people are people and everyone can be spoken with and reasoned with on some level unless they are mentally incapable.

A different path has not been taken to fix the bully and everyone is trying to fix the bullied.
The kids who are getting bullied aren’t the problem and don’t have a problem.

so, I advocate:

  • Identify the Bully
  • Segregate the Bully
  • Educate the Bully
  • Be consistent in support
  • Be resilient in approach

I do not advocate:

  • encourage the fight response as the answer
  • shaming
  • making kids deal with adult realities

This creates an endless cycle. What’s needed is a genuine want for a better environment, not vengeance, not reciprocal force. Compassion will fix more problems than punches will. Ever.

26

Well if you’re not even gonna try to take a different angle of attack on the issue, nothing will change.

everything advocated here has been done to death and it’s still an issue.

-fight the bully
-tell a teacher
-speak with the bully’s parents

I’m not saying everything in the world can be made right, it can’t, but people are people and everyone can be spoken with and reasoned with on some level unless they are mentally incapable.

A different path has not been taken to fix the bully and everyone is trying to fix the bullied.
The kids who are getting bullied aren’t the problem and don’t have a problem.

so, I advocate:

  • Identify the Bully
  • Segregate the Bully
  • Educate the Bully
  • Be consistent in support
  • Be resilient in approach

I do not advocate:

  • encourage the fight response as the answer
  • shaming
  • making kids deal with adult realities

This creates an endless cycle. What’s needed is a genuine want for a better environment, not vengeance, not reciprocal force. Compassion will fix more problems than punches will. Ever.

yet, the SOFT AS COTTON approach NEVER NEVER NEVER works. its just a fantasy.

27

[QUOTE=hskwarrior;1158589]yet, the SOFT AS COTTON approach NEVER NEVER NEVER works. its just a fantasy.[/QUOTE]

I try it and it does actually work.
How much effort is put into the approach?

That’s what counts. To consistently be patient, to consistently be firm. To not be overcome with our own anger towards failure.

28

I try it and it does actually work.
How much effort is put into the approach?

That’s what counts. To consistently be patient, to consistently be firm. To not be overcome with our own anger towards failure.

Who have you tried this with? you can’t consistently be patient while the bully laughs at your attempts then goes and bullies another kid.

Do you have any supportive evidence that your method works above putting a bully in his place? I’d be interested in knowing where Soft as Cotton methods work. I’d like to see the kind of people that do this as well as give in to the S.A.C. approach.

I bet alot that the parents of the three white guys tried to S.A.C. approach with these kids, but i don’t really think it worked.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=daf_1329488202

29

[QUOTE=hskwarrior;1158595]Who have you tried this with? you can’t consistently be patient while the bully laughs at your attempts then goes and bullies another kid.

Do you have any supportive evidence that your method works above putting a bully in his place? I’d be interested in knowing where Soft as Cotton methods work. I’d like to see the kind of people that do this as well as give in to the S.A.C. approach.

I bet alot that the parents of the three white guys tried to S.A.C. approach with these kids, but i don’t really think it worked.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=daf_1329488202[/QUOTE]

You can be consistently firm and consistently patient. the segregation of the bully removes him or her from the opportunity. It is important to identify and change their course.

Having worked with kids from junior high(middle school) and high school on this exact issue, I can say that identifying and segregating works in an immediate way.
Then it becomes a matter of digging deeper and applying counseling to the person in question.

I don’t call it a soft as cotton approach. It isn’t that. It can be difficult for the bully to have to deal with having his behaviours revealed to him in a matter of fact way and explaining how it is wrong.

It is a gradual process. there is no fast answer to correction of a human condition. It can be identified as harmful and stopped without bringing further harm to anyone.

Yes, you can fix stupid. It demands consistency, patience and perseverance towards the goal. I don’t recommend it for anyone who is not capable of doing it. It takes a different kind of strength to do this than what many people are accustomed to recognizing as strength.

Bottom line is that violence begets violence. Fighting fire with fire means that everyone gets burned. It’s terrible advice in my opinion. To fight fire, water is required. :slight_smile:

30

I don’t know, some kids can be really cynical. They can act ashamed and remorseful in front of you and resume the bullying when you’re not around. Surely the bully has some personal issues that need addressing, but such “counseling-like” approach seems, at least in some cases, to be futile…I mean, these kids know that what they are doing is wrong. But why don’t they stop doing it then?

I believe that bullies bully others because their keepers failed to impose limits. Sadly, the bullied kid frequently has to resort to open confrontation, since that’s what sends the strongest message. It’s when you feel pain in your own skin that you learn to respect other people - not only because of fear of retribution, but because you’ll also understand what it feels like.

31

You can be consistently firm and consistently patient. the segregation of the bully removes him or her from the opportunity. It is important to identify and change their course.

So what happens when you remove him and he bullies someone else? What about the bully who does this after school?

I don’t call it a soft as cotton approach. It isn’t that. It can be difficult for the bully to have to deal with having his behaviours revealed to him in a matter of fact way and explaining how it is wrong.

sorry, that is indeed a soft as cotton approach. i’ve never seen it work and if it does, it never works as effectively as a bully getting his butt kicked. THAT is the real eye opener for the bully. I’m sure that with all the bully video’s showing the bullied kid fighting back that the bully was most likely CALLED OUT on his being a bully before. If i were a bully, i know i’d laugh at the S.A.C. approach, then i’d go bully another kid.

It is a gradual process. there is no fast answer to correction of a human condition. It can be identified as harmful and stopped without bringing further harm to anyone.

Punching a bully dead in his nose and knocking him out is the FASTEST way to get a bully to rethink what he’s been doing. Bullied kids don’t have the luxury of time to wait for the bully to finally come around after years of counseling.

Yes, you can fix stupid. It demands consistency, patience and perseverance towards the goal. I don’t recommend it for anyone who is not capable of doing it. It takes a different kind of strength to do this than what many people are accustomed to recognizing as strength.

what is the next step if that doesn’t work out for ya?

Bottom line is that violence begets violence. Fighting fire with fire means that everyone gets burned. It’s terrible advice in my opinion. To fight fire, water is required.

Returned Violence can also immediately stop a bully. Why? because the bully finds out that the kid is willing to fight back. and when it happens, the bully in most cases is in a sh1t load of trouble and will never bully the kid again. he may even think twice about bullying others.

i’m sorry, turning the other cheek is only offering up another target for some people.

No disrespect is intended with this comment, so don’t take it that way. but bro, i’ve seen your face and it says to ME…just to ME…that you haven’t really seen or been involved with real violence. i could be wrong…but it usually shows in someones face that they’ve experienced some things.

to each his own. but if my son, nephew, niece, student or other family member were to be bullied, they would be taught what to do next if the bully keeps it up.

Life ain’t hollywood and movies with happy endings are stories that have little to do with anything more than catering to your already established beliefs whether they are correct or not.

Your soft as cotton approach seems to think it does.

32

[QUOTE=Sardinkahnikov;1158603]I don’t know, some kids can be really cynical. They can act ashamed and remorseful in front of you and resume the bullying when you’re not around. Surely the bully has some personal issues that need addressing, but such “counseling-like” approach seems, at least in some cases, to be futile…I mean, these kids know that what they are doing is wrong. But why don’t they stop doing it then?

I believe that bullies bully others because their keepers failed to impose limits. Sadly, the bullied kid frequently has to resort to open confrontation, since that’s what sends the strongest message. It’s when you feel pain in your own skin that you learn to respect other people - not only because of fear of retribution, but because you’ll also understand what it feels like.[/QUOTE]

The approach you believe in is the same one that has always been used and it still fails. There hasn’t been a grassroots level that has approached in a different way and if you see most street proofing and bully proofing puts the edge and burden of effort onto the bullied and doesn’t work with the real problem which is the bullies.

Being patient is to the end of not being frustrated by the persons attempts at making you frustrated and leaving them to their ways.

Being firm is what allows consequence to be revealed.

Being consistent is what teaches the bully there is a need for change and that people will not resort to abandoning him or her and will actively work with them on bringing about change.

It’s a different way of looking at it. I admit it and it is counter intuitive to how the general public feels about bullies. But then, the rules to live by in religion are counter intuitive to how people actually behave too. :stuck_out_tongue: It’s a stretch to find people who have actually learned to love their enemy and to embrace it and most certainly, belligerence is exhausting. It’s exacerbated by the pseudonymous nature of the net where people don’t have to be accountable for what they say or do. It’s easy to dead end a conversation or idea online, you don’t have to think about it once you disconnect. But someone up and in your face, daily? Yeah, that’s different. Online bullies just need to be disconnected, in reality, they need to be dealt with one way or another and the old ways of thinking are NOT working.

Most people want to bully the bully to teach him how it feels. You know what? S/He probably already knows how it feels because s/he gets that already. probably in his or her family on some level there is abuse or neglect that transforms into that child’s or adult’s behaviour.

Life ain’t hollywood and movies with happy endings are stories that have little to do with anything more than catering to your already established beliefs whether they are correct or not.

Maybe if people actually started TRYING to use the ethics and morality that have been shown there would be some real differences made.

33

[QUOTE=David Jamieson;1158606]The approach you believe in is the same one that has always been used and it still fails. There hasn’t been a grassroots level that has approached in a different way and if you see most street proofing and bully proofing puts the edge and burden of effort onto the bullied and doesn’t work with the real problem which is the bullies.

Being patient is to the end of not being frustrated by the persons attempts at making you frustrated and leaving them to their ways.

Being firm is what allows consequence to be revealed.

Being consistent is what teaches the bully there is a need for change and that people will not resort to abandoning him or her and will actively work with them on bringing about change.

It’s a different way of looking at it. I admit it and it is counter intuitive to how the general public feels about bullies. But then, the rules to live by in religion are counter intuitive to how people actually behave too. :stuck_out_tongue: It’s a stretch to find people who have actually learned to love their enemy and to embrace it and most certainly, belligerence is exhausting. It’s exacerbated by the pseudonymous nature of the net where people don’t have to be accountable for what they say or do. It’s easy to dead end a conversation or idea online, you don’t have to think about it once you disconnect. But someone up and in your face, daily? Yeah, that’s different. Online bullies just need to be disconnected, in reality, they need to be dealt with one way or another and the old ways of thinking are NOT working.

Most people want to bully the bully to teach him how it feels. You know what? S/He probably already knows how it feels because s/he gets that already. probably in his or her family on some level there is abuse or neglect that transforms into that child’s or adult’s behaviour.

Life ain’t hollywood and movies with happy endings are stories that have little to do with anything more than catering to your already established beliefs whether they are correct or not.

Maybe if people actually started TRYING to use the ethics and morality that have been shown there would be some real differences made.[/QUOTE]

Jamieson, the thing is that you’re a mature individual who minds the philosophical implications of your actions. But others (specially kids) may not share that trait. Frankly, sometimes working the bully is not worth the effort it takes. In the end, I think you call too much responsibility unto yourself, man.

What about the bullied? What’ll happen when he has to face another bully and you’re not around to take care of it? Seems like the most efficient way is to help the bullied one to develop the assets that’ll help him to stop bullying dead in it’s tracks, and I’m not talking about physical confrontation only either - it’s all about thick skin, sharp tongue and confidence. And it doesn’t take much to instill it in a kid either, it’s just a matter of providing the correct stimuli.

34

I don’t think we should neglect the kids who get bullied. I think we should make attempts to instill confidence in them and strengths such as being strong voiced, making eye contact and even work on physically defending themselves to an extent.

I do think we should activate the watchfulness of teachers and encourage parents to pay extra attention to their kids and I also think there is a need for more community center activity as well.

There is simply not enough of the village raising the child anymore. there are simply not enough people stepping into programs to help and there are a lot of people who just want to leave it on someone else’s plate.

Don’t let schools parent your children. Don’t let clubs parent your children and it can’t be made clear enough that the parent is 100% responsible for the parenting of the child.

there’s no requirement in society to be educated as a parent, to be educated about nutritional needs or emotional needs. Perhaps there needs to be that and in doing so, the amount of people who fear and resent and blossom into bad people doing bad things will be reduced.

Early childhood educators are a massive step towards this type of thinking and teaching in society. It is not a cost, it is an investment and it would be a dollar well spent to help any mother or father better know how to be a good mother or father.

Nothing will be resolved effectively with any quick fix thinking.

If we all look to ourselves as responsible for the happiness of those around us, or at least fully understand that we are a definite contributing factor I can pretty much guarantee you that there will be a positive change.

When you give up out of frustration, you still just gave up.

And I do understand that in the cases of the extremely broken, it takes even more effort.

We need stronger people in society providing positive roles. Be that stronger person to the people you can have a positive effect on.

35

There is simply not enough of the village raising the child anymore.

This i agree totally with 100%. Where I grew up, the community knew you and your parents and would look out for you. Shame it stopped.

36

[QUOTE=hskwarrior;1158621]This i agree totally with 100%. Where I grew up, the community knew you and your parents and would look out for you. Shame it stopped.[/QUOTE]

People don’t even know who their neighbours are anymore it seems.
And when you say hi to a neighbour, sometimes they ignore you!

what a world we’ve made.

There is nothing done that can’t be undone.

37

I really do believe in PEACE. It sucks that this world has gone to SH1T :frowning:

38

[QUOTE=hskwarrior;1158636]I really do believe in PEACE. It sucks that this world has gone to SH1T :([/QUOTE]

It hasn’t. It is a difficult and daunting thing to rectify, but if we each work on ourselves then the world will become a better place.

if we resign ourselves to the mess, the mess wins and we get swallowed in it.

Keep sweeping! :stuck_out_tongue:

39

ive worked very hard to sow disorder and chaos, dont you guys go about trying to undo all my hard work and labour with your peace nonsense. :mad:

40

*I’ve
*sew
*don’t

:stuck_out_tongue: