"In what police are calling a David Carradine copycat case, Uki was found strangled early Tuesday morning hanging from a brick archway in his backyard. A neighbor who found the body said he was wearing red stiletto heals and a lace body stocking. One end of a leather strap was wound tightly around his neck, and the other was attached to what investigators described as “either an enlarged clitoral appendage or an eerily small pen1s.”
Investigators were puzzled that the body was in such good condition, considering the strong smell of the deceased suggested he had been hanging in the hot summer sun for at least seven days."
john doe. no personal possesions, no id, no cash, no clothes… manner of death: exposure.
according to the dental x-rays and nail fragments, this individual had his lower mandible pulled off and forcefully thrust into his eyesockets accordingly - evidently this individual was incapable of properly sustaining itself in order to procreate a future generation… no gene pool contribution.
An unnamed police detective close to the investigation released a photograph showing MasterKiller in the other room with his head stuck up his a$$. Police found a note believed to be written by MasterKiller. The noted stated that the resulting excitement from murdering uki and posing the body to provide a spectacle, caused MasterKiller to experiment with other perversions. It is believed that MasterKiller did not intend to commit suicide, but that having his head up his a$$ was so enjoyable, he forgot to pull it out!
Darwin Award Grand Prize Winner:
I what looked like a bizzare Yoga position gone horribly wrong, (your name here) was found dead of both asphixiation and loss of blood. __________ was found in the No-Tell Motel, and as far as forensic investigators could deduce, while trying to felate himself, slipped ooff of his bed which was still vibrating from the “Magic Fingers” setting, causing him to bite off his own pen1s, which became lodged in his throat, thus choking him. __________ was apparantly also a fan of Richard Gere. He was pronounced dead at the scene. The gerbil survived.
(names were intentionally omitted, as I don’t want this to get “out of hand.”)
all we need is for our names to come up on search engines!LOL
Today “RK”, also known by his street name “Ten Tigers” was found in a ditch by the river. While friends state that RK was only in his 50’s, the coroner estimated the body’s age at around 105. The body, found in leather bondage clothing, smelled of either bengay or tiger balm? INstead of the expected ball gag, RK’s mouth had a large red apple in it. Police suspect foul play
In a rare accidental death incident, lkfmdc, a martial arts instructor and sanda coach out of NY, accidently killed himself whilst demonstrating a rare martial arts technique called the dim mak. lkfmdc was demonstrating the devastating power by breaking concrete blocks when one of the seminar participants challenged lkfmdc that he could not even “knock himself out” with this technique. Not to be called a liar, lkfmdc then proceeded to use the dim mak on his own head to knock himself out. But alas, his powers were too strong thereby turning his brain into mush that lead to his ulimate death.
Memorial Services will be held Tues at Our Lady of Ill Repute.
Another serial killer bites the dust today thanks to the Texas justice system. Deranged serial killer John Doe, known in the media as xcakid due to his dislexia, was executed via lethal injection after being found guilty of murdering seventeen victims using what is known in chinese martial arts as Iron Crotch. The victims faces were so badly dismembered that identification had to come through fingerprints and DNA. The Iron Crotch master reportedly laughed at the doctor who administered the letal dose, telling him “My crotch will rise again”. The deranged killer was arrested only two weeks ago, but the recent express lane for capital punishment recently implemented in the great state of Texas assured a speedy trial. Donations for the victims families can be submitted at www.justiceforironcrotch.com.
In a tragic turn of events that left the family of lkfmdc twice mourning the death of the well known martial artist, scholar, and spiritual guide to the village people, lkfmdc was believed to have recovered from his own death touch only to succumb to the fatal effects of an internet virus he caught while post wh0ring.
In an effort to accurately write out his obituary, his family has asked that anyone in the New York area who believes that lkfmdc might be their father please call them. Please title your emails “baby daddy?”. Please be timely, as only those who can respond before the funeral will be able to participate in the “LKFMDC’s Kids” panoramic photo.
David Jamison, better known as Kung Lek was found dead just South of the U.S. border in Minnesota. It was believed the undocumented migrant (illegal alien) was entering the country to get a character transplant. A procedure that has a 10 year wait list in the nationalized health system in Canada. Known for his frustration with the Canadian habit of being nice, he had high hopes of receiving a New Yorker character transplant. “So I could more like that guy IKFMDC,” David was fond of saying. Sadly, he died in vain as President Obama had just instituted a Chicago-style mob-government-corporate system that screws the little guy and funnels all the money to his cronies. A border agent commented, “We’ll have to fine his family, as he died without permission from the U.S. Health Ministry.”
[QUOTE=MasterKiller;961573]"In what police are calling a David Carradine copycat case, Uki was found strangled early Tuesday morning hanging from a brick archway in his backyard. A neighbor who found the body said he was wearing red stiletto heals and a lace body stocking. One end of a leather strap was wound tightly around his neck, and the other was attached to what investigators described as “either an enlarged clitoral appendage or an eerily small pen1s.”
Investigators were puzzled that the body was in such good condition, considering the strong smell of the deceased suggested he had been hanging in the hot summer sun for at least seven days."[/QUOTE]
despite of rumors of foul play around his death.
david carradine will be remembered as the squinting eyes chinaman seeking his family in the wild wild west featured in Kung fu the series in early 1970s.
it is not about what a man can take with him. but what he may leave behind.
final bidding farewell will be held in the lobby of neverland.
oh young boy may attend at your own risk.
the place was haunted by a former owner that was fond of the company of a young boy.
no trick or treat at halloween in the neverland either.
one left behind tales of taoism and shaolin kung fu
Mas Judt was found dead early Thursday in Chicago. Apparently, Mr. Judt slipped down the stairs and disembowled himself on the 357 knives found on his person. A ten inch folder found hidden inside his rectum is believed to have delivered the fatal cut.
Mas Judt has trained in a variety of arts including Judo, Shuai Chiao, SPM, Xing Yi Chuan and Kuntao-Silat among others. He is rumored to have completed the infamous Iron Croth training and has been seen more than once c*ck slapping a ho in a dark, South Side alley. He also hits really, really hard.
In addition to his martial achievement, Mr. Judt was a successful businessman and right wing conspiracy theorist. His death was most likely an assasination by the Obama Administration. That’s what the headstone’s gonna say anyway.
Mas Judt is survived by Water Dragon and Royal Dragon who have agreed to stop their endless bickering at least long enough to pay tribute to their fallen Master.
Water Dragon has gone to sleep with the fishes at last, after accepting an Internet Death Match Challenge from Chuck Norris. WD’s dying wish was that the KFM forum be informed that he DID INDEED get a clean judo throw on Chuck… but was then fatally distracted when a couple of bystanders in the crowd started a conversation on political finance.
Chuck Norris is being sought for questioning, and was last seen fleeing north persued by one p!ssed-off-looking big bulldog.
taryn p. was found suffocated in bed… medical examiners at the scene believe that while sleeping on her back, a banana fell out of her underarm plantations and landed in her mouth, thus cutting off her air supply as she slept dreaming about knocking the teeth out of men. there will be no funeral service - a hand written wallet-will(in the event of events such as this), her body is to be fed to a tiger.
The world mourned today as they learned of the passing of precarious internet celebrity “SPJ”, known to his homies on the screet as “Special Probation Jones”.
Sources say SPJ died from a stroke after finally beating Mike Tyson on the “Punch Out” Nintendo game. Witnesses say just as he died, he muttered the words, “..this sh!t is bananas…B..A…N..A…N…A…Sssssssssss…”.
SPJ first became famous for wearing a Burger King digital watch on his ankle and telling everyone he was on Lo-Jack. SPJ was also famous for owning the worlds largest collection of Phil Collins tapes, CD’s, and 8 tracks, worth an estimated 800 billion dollars, that he is donating to the world wide “Save Light Rock” campaign.
A memorial service will be held at the basketball court this evening, participants are urged to bring a 40oz and pour a little out at the stroke 8.
Reuters: KFO’s “Pepe LePew” washed up for good
Apparantly new Tide gets rid of more than just stains. During an enviornmental awareness Day celebration, three unidentified, shaved headed men, in HAZMAT gear, one carrying a bag of walnuts and a watermelon, the other possibly a psychotic who was just giggling and mumbling incoherant medical jargon and the third, oddly enough, wearing a plaid Catholic High School skirt, snatched one of America’s living anomalies-Uki, the Human Pollution-thought to be an urban myth, and threw him into a washtub containing Laundry soap, and Lysol. Using long handled scrub brushes donated by the local brushless carwash, they scrubbed the man and his clothes until there was no sign of dirt, grime, fecal matter, fungus, lice, toe-jam,frumunda cheeze, skidmarks, or human grease to be found. However what was to be found…was NOT found.
It seemed that when all the human waste and filth had been washed away, there was nothing left.
Scientists are baffled, but are not going to continue any investigation as government fuding refuses to waste money on trivial matters such as the enviornment.
