Need help - stress and anger

Wai Jia: The Kung Fu Forum Kung Fu Training and Health
1

Im sorry for posting this hear and realise this is not a board for personal problems. Hence i will attempt to try and make this relate a little to my training as well.
Im posting here becouse in all honesty i dont actualy feel comfortable discussing such things with any of my regular friends.

Im starting to seriously flip out…
Im getting stressed out and bitterly angry and nearly anything and everything. I feel half the time like i want to simply do my nut and start wailing on people in the street. This problem is multiplied ten fold when i drive. I seriously am not handling things which most people dont even blink about.
Ive also compleatly given up all fear of being hurt by other guys and have begun to act on occasion outright rudely to people who could have wiped the floor with me. Its like im trying to get myself hurt. Im finding myself swearing violently under my breath whenever im walking behind someone slower. I walk THROUGH buisness people and wont budge an inch. If anyone gives me even the slightest flack i take it like a personal challenge. I feel like a full kettle thats on the boil and yet people keep trying to add more hot water.

This is also starting to affect my martial arts.
I drilled Tai Chi in strait line movements at full power for over 45 minutes and didnt stop untill my sifu litteraly came over and asked me to relax. I was simply trying to throw my arms out of there sockets:( This is not the way to train and the expression on his face clearly showed concern. I was performing ‘stroke the horse main’ like i was trying to break someone in half with it. Needless to say this is not even proper Tai Chi…

The reason im asking this now is becouse i have to do a performance tommorow night. There will be over 200 hundred people there and most of them martial artists. Im already starting to stress thinking about it and i have this image in my mind of elderly Chinese shaking there head saying ‘no good’! I REALLY want to be a good reflection on my master and i cant handle the idea of people judging him poorly based on me.

I know this proberly just sounds like a random rant…
I just really need some solid advice on what to do about stress and my general state.
Im sorry to waste anyones time but i would appreciate any advice anyone has to offer.

As a side note…
Tai Chi is not calming me down, i simply look at the ways in which i can do damage with it. I hardly think twise about any other aspect, see where im going here?
Anybody:(

2

So when did you first notice these

sensation’s?:smiley:
Have you bumped your head, Recently.
maybe it’s one scenario bieng high off power, like you focus on isolating your strentgh so much, you see somebody who get’s under your skin. you territorialy/unconsciously
want to manipulate thier strentgh testing your power??.
I dont know thats as much as i could deduce, or your just an ******* with heart as you realize your spazz’n:)

3

Mother/Child

From based ONLY on what you said, and coming from a TCM perspective, there is a possibility that there could be whats known as a Mother/Child condition going on. Fear from the impending pressure of the performance which is yet to manifest (i.e on the night’s expectations) may have weakened/unbalanced your Kidneys to a certain degree, and as the Kidneys gives rise to creating the Liver/Gall Bladder energies, they have gotten out of sync and thus have allowed your anger to get out of balance. The Chinese doctors would say that one could placate the crying child (in this case the unbalanced Liver causing over the top anger) however it would be best to get to the root and treat the Kidney, maybe, ( the the unbalanced mother, who when is treated will be able to nurse the child(Liver energy) back to balance). Thus the symptoms are not necessarily the root cause, i.e. the anger and apparent Liver imbalance if treated may not correct your state completely. Why would a performance like that bring on anger? It sounds like with any normal person ,experienced or not, fear would be the natural thing to experience to a certain degree, and Chinese Medicine the Kidney’s are the root of the Liver, thus fear may of given way to the angry outbursts.

Go check yourself out with a TCM Doctor, or even better a 5- Element Doctor of Chinese Medicne. They could get to work immediately on you and make good progress I would feel.

Take care.

4

ah he’s prolly just an

******* with weak kidney’s:)

5

jon my man, how it be
take breath & i mean literally.
bud, it sounds like me every day.
it’s called married with children.:smiley:
and the fact i’m getting old doesn’t help:mad:
well i feel better after that…don’t you.
fair dinkum(god i love being an aussie:)) though
don’t worry about the demo, if you F up so long as you & your teacher know your skill level & are both happy with how hard you practice, who cares what they think.
you know it might be just the insentive you need to become a eunich & train to take revenge at a later date by killing them all in one almighty fit of road rage whilst they are on a pilgrimage to the shoalin temple.
you know, or some BS like that.
anyways, i’m sure you’ll do fine…unless of course you choose suicide before hand:eek:
be happy be cool;)
vts

6

lol i think

you’ll do fine…unless of course you choose suicide before hand

7

When I’m in that state (different but the same), I visualise buying the person(s) concerned a drink in a bar - all smiles and benevolence etc. Doing that stimulates my sense of humour, calming me down so I can enjoy being me again.

Good luck with the demo.

8

I’m the same. Mate you jus gotta kp smiling. Realise what life is - nothing. You may as well have a good time. Nothing REALLY matters, apart from your friends and family. Not really. It’s like, you are short on cash, but you want to buy something… what will REALLY happen if you jus thing fu.ck it and buy it anyway? Usually, not much. But we stress about stupid things like this.

I too feel like i am at breaking point. My problem is depression making me lazy. I was in a car crash a week ago, i wrote off my friends car in a massive accident when the breaks failed… it turns out i wasn’t insured (he thought i was and told me so) and now i am gonna have to do community service, get my license taken off me, and pay a fine. He loses his car. At least we weren’t hurt though. BIG things like this jus KEEP happening to me. Uni has been ****e for me. I hate my course and have so much work and don’t want to work… but…

…you just gotta bend over and take it.

We need GDA to tell us the meaning of life. I know his views on what life really is, and share them. Unfortunately.

9

It helped me, I hope it helps you

Longtimers may remember my RAGE! post about eight months ago. Suffice it to say, I had the same problems as you. I took my Shifu’s advice (he’s also a TCM/herbal medicine guy) and strengthened my lung qi to balance the kidney qi, an excess of which was said to be causing the problems. It seems to be working.

1 - Excercize your lungs. Shout or sing as loud as you can every day, and do pushups to exhaustion every day.

2 - eat pears. They’re coming into season now, too!

3 - deep breathing qigong.

I still have more anger than most folks, but I’m able to handle it better than I was before.

10

When it comes to the test,please try to relax and forget about your surroundings.
Your sifu and your audience is going to see you´re doing all you can-your best.
:slight_smile:
You´re probably going to feel good about yourself then and things work out better.
You aren´t alone.
Life usually feels/seems to be very bad,it might be,personally speaking.
Depression tears one apart all the time.
Often one would just like to fall,lay on my back.
Wait and see how it´s snowing,burying one under.
Or burning on the lawn.

:confused:

Good luck.

11

jon, spend time meditating.

when your done with the session, really feel how you feel and maintain that. if it wanes, sit and meditate again.

meditation transports itself into your daily life.

formerly uncontrollable emotion is more readily regulated when the self is calmed through meditative practice.

find the root of what is causing you emotional problem and deal with it. Perhaps you just need to say something to someone about how you feel. Or perhaps you need to face something that you have not dealt with and look at it for what it is and from there just understanding the nature of it can releave the emotional angst you experience.

calmness and the ability to calm the mind and body are key.
just my opinion.
peace

12

Hi jon,

Your post very much belongs on this board.

I think that Kung Lek’s suggestion of finding the root of the disturbance within your heart, and the means to express it directly, are the rational keys to alleviating the hurt.

Displaced anger can play real havoc. It goes everywhere and can even feel disconnected. Can occur when you think the anger is inappropriate or seemingly impossible to resolve. I think one target can be turning the anger inward as well.

I’m going to suggest some dynamics which might be going on here. If I am wrong, well, I don’t know you and please forgive my misunderstanding.

It could be that your self-restraint, and cerebral avoidance of conflict which intertwine like how the trunks of some trees grow up from the ground, have been challenged. You didn’t expect this rage. It wasn’t supposed to happen to you. You’re good.

It could be that you feel cornered. I don’t know how this particular demo figures in differently than others in content or timing, other students, other people. More than one situational cause.

Rash behavior, or complete backing off can take place when one feels overwhelmed. In both, there can be immense anger. And men are different. I mean, I’m a girl. Well, older than a girl, but you know. From my point of view, when something occurs which might call into question who we are in terms of how we view ourselves and how others see us, it can shake the building. As well-fixed as anyone is in life – in job, life work (as MA can be), relationships, and as good in heart as one is, these situations can occur because of underlying conflict or competition with another person which is not taken seriously at its onset, or because of other changes which are unexpected. These were examples which may or may not be relevant.
Whom were you “trying to break…in half”? Or, who could it have been? Do you feel that someone has tried to do that to you and you have no recourse? Why?

It has been my experience that T’ai Chi is not calming during high emotion. I’m not into meditation (moving or still) for this either, but that’s me, not a blanket statement. It doesn’t mean that these techniques would have failed you or that you have failed; just means that another way needs to be found. One is to forget about the energy and the restraint and poetry, and just put on the gloves and have at a heavy bag. Yell, cry and finally say to yourself at least what the h*** is wrong. My next step, would be to talk to someone about it.

Recall the love you have for yourself and for your fellows and use it to regain a moment of what was your normal frame of mind. Find a middle ground between who you were then and how you are acting now, and have respect for both states. You might be just trying to protect yourself, oddly enough. hard to explain. Well, I’m thinking that your kindness of heart might not seem to be enough, all the self-discipline, and you are defending with an anger that could destroy what you have built because you are feeling the need for something more or something else. Not knowing what to do, you feel angry. Not feeling up to this, you feel angry. And it goes on.

Well, I hope I’ve said something helpful, relevant. I don’t know you, or the world that is yours. I only Know my own, which isn’t all that pretty. I think the best anyone can do is to be completely themselves, and that also includes being familiar with the shadows of ones heart and mind, bringing them into balance and being whole. That is being the best you can be.

In the gentle of heart, rage can be the outgrowth of unacknowledged anger. Feelings are just there. There is room for negotiation and change up to a point. Control comes from understanding, and there is no shame in that.

take care,
Cody

13

Yeah man, remember to breathe. Take deep breath, into your STOMACH (if u get me). Remember that nothing really matters. Most things are just superficial, and they only matter in your head.

Take care.

14

jon,

…it sounds to me as if your training effects are getting out of control. This does happens on occassion. I would do as Kung Lek suggested, as to me, your bursting with Yang. To settle this and find balance, you need to bring Yin to bare. Meditation is a tried and tested method - of many.

We all experience flux. Part of what we need to realise is our training is one part of the whole. Develop your yin and if not done already, expand outside activities to assist in releasing and maintaining a balanced structure - holistically.

nospam.
:cool:

15

Jon, I know somewhat what you’re going through.
Because it happens to me on occasion, and is something I’ve fought with all my life (the funny Evil Ryu joke I do here represents a reality for me to be honest…)
I’m not a psychologist, but your anger could be coming from a myriad of different places. You’ve got to take a look at yourself and find out what you are feeling. Why are you angry like this? What caused it? Why do you allow yourself to go with it, and what can be done to stop it? It’s perfectly fine to get angry. A person who says you should “never be angry” is a fool.
But anger can be one of our most destructive emotions if we don’t know how to leash it. I know for sure that if my anger gets the better of me and I don’t stop it before a certain point…it will literally possess me and there’s nothing “I” can do at that point.
It’s absolutey true, and scary too. :frowning: Rage makes us do things that we don’t want to do. It makes us into people we don’t want to be. So we have to understand it, get to the root of the problem, and make it better.
You might have some misplaced doubts about your performance and are “itching” to test it. I’ve gone through that phase too.
Hence the thoughts of “trying to get someone to hurt you.”
Relax. Train as realistically as you can. That’s what helped me.
(and a few fights but DON"T do that :smiley: LOL )
Meditation is a good suggestion, but remember that in order to do it you have to be able to relax your mind. Sitting still with a raging mind is TERRIBLY annoying and makes you more angry and frusterated. Talk to someone. Talk to a friend, a teacher, a monk, a priest, a counselor. Anyone you want. Don’t hold your feelings in. The biggest mistake we make as men is trying to hold our emotions in and seem like we can “take it.” It’s BS. Dialogue is the way to heal problems. We’re a social animal.
Take 15 minutes or so out of everday and sit quietly. Reflect on yourself. Figure out why you are angry. When you KNOW what you are angry at it becomes easier to handle. Sometimes you are RIGHT to be angry. But despite that, if you become unhealthy only you suffer…
Hope that helps. And let us know how things go okay? :slight_smile:
Try some chanting, prayers, etc. Read some religious books, go to a place that makes you feel at ease.

Take care,
Ryu

16

Also,
Sharky’s heart is in the right place, but I don’t think that saying “nothing matters” really truly helps in a situation like this.
Because the reality is that emotions DO matter to the person. You can’t simply ignore what’s bothering you. You have to face it and understand it.
But I know that’s not the point you were implying, Sharky. :slight_smile:
Cheers.

Ryu

17

No, you didn’t understand what i meant.

Clearly.

18

Ahhh so much good advice already on this board, I am shy even to contribute, but here is my penny worth.

Im getting stressed out and bitterly angry and nearly anything and everything. I feel half the time like i want to simply do my nut and start wailing on people in the street. This problem is multiplied ten fold when i drive. I seriously am not handling things which most people dont even blink about.

The man that suddenly realises that the crystal clear pond water is full of contaminants, begins to avert at the water he consumes. Although my analogy is stupid, on the contrary to your believe, I think it is great. You are becoming sensitive to your inner self, the monkey mind that is in all of us. Some block it out, some cotniue to drink from the pond, and others choose to discover it more and more.

Perhaps with your renewed level of mindfulness, you could dedicate a part of your time to first celebrate your awareness of the humans monkey mind, secondly, to understand that they are thoughts which have manifested again due to your past habits, karma. And thirdly to use it as a precious opportunity, a tool, to train yourself to remain (Goenka’s favourite word) “Equanimous”, or non-dual in nature.

I think this opportuniry has arisen due to some good fortune or good karma on your behalf, perhaps ask from your shifu, how so one can improve oneself with this new found awareness.

Tai Chi is not calming me down, i simply look at the ways in which i can do damage with it. I hardly think twise about any other aspect, see where im going here?

I see where you are going. When you practise, place your mind emptily in your movements. Let your mind be in your arms that move. Remain unattached to the sensations, or manifestations of energy that accompanies it. Blend with your body and starve your thoughts with the supreme-blade of non-duality, watch it like a doctor wacthes the wound of a child. Or even, simply sit and relax in emptiness, watch your thoughts dance like a violent storm on Venus… like I said, so much good advice has already been given :slight_smile:

On a sidenote, I remember another master once said, “you cannot change everyone else around you, but you have the power to change yourself”. People are going to be there, in your way. It is the way of samsara.

Me thinks this is a great time to proceed to your sifu. You once told me he was an incredibly compassionate and wise man. There cannot be much more worthy advice from him, except from your mother. Best you seek your shifu’s wisdom before you regret it. This is precious indeed. :wink:

Take care…

19

Hi Jon.

Here are my 2 worthless Yen of advice.

Personally, I think you are getting frustrated with your own progress, and are trying to achieve beyond your current ability. Or maybe you simply hit another plateau in your training and progression is slowing down.

Happens to all of us, but I think you will feel it heavier as you train full-time.

I think you need something to balance your training time(Work, GF, Wife, Kids, whatever).

Maybe you should also take a few days rest from training, don’t think your Sifu will mind at all.

So take it easy and rather than trying to perform Tai Chi simply let it flow out of you for some time.

As one of my Instructors said:
“Don’t try to do it, don’t think about doing it, simply do it”.

Granted it was an external MA Instructor, but I think his advise still holds true.

Just my lil’ old advice.

20

Thank you so much to everyone for there imput.
There really has been a lot of great advice given and i will try and look into all of it.
Its great to know there are so many good hearted martial artists in this world. I sometimes feel that most of us have turned into ego centric self worshipers but this has again showed me the spirit is not lost.
Thank you all for taking the time to help a fellow ma brother :slight_smile: