So I met a mate of mine for a beer last night. When he shows up he has a black eye like I’ve never seen before. His eye was bruised from cheekbone to brow and swollen shut. He also had a fat lip that looked pretty d@mn sore.
You can guess my first question.
“It’s actually a little bit embarrassing,” he said.
He’s been going out with this girl for a while, maybe four months or so. She’s a nice girl, but a bit head strong. And stubborn? Oy, donkeys think she’s a little immoveable on some subjects. She’s also a karate practitioner… I think the style is Kyokushinkai? I have no idea if I spelt that right or not. Anyway, it’s not that important. I don’t know what grade she is, but she’s quite a hardarse and instructs, so she must be fairly advanced.
Have you guessed where this is going yet?
My man was at home, just hanging. She came over. He was watching a game on the tv. She says, “I really want to talk to you about my mum. I’m really worried about her.”
“Oh please,” he begs, “can it wait till after the game? There’s only 20 minutes left.”
“Since when is a footy game more important than real life?” she demands.
“Footy is real life,” he replies, blindly ignoring the warning signs. “What could be more important?” D@mn fool!
“Listen,” she says, obviously getting quite furious. “This is really important to me!”
“It’s only 20 minutes!” he insists, before leaping headlong into the maws of the thresher machine.
“You are so insensitive!” she shouts.
The maw opens up. “Shut up, b!tch! Get in the kitchen and make me some pie!” He thinks she’ll see the funny side of this “joke”. I know, the bloke’s a lunatic. He says he remembers a flash in his left eye and then pain in his jaw, very briefly.
He woke up on the floor by the sofa several minutes later and she was gone. That was two days ago and she’s ignoring his calls and won’t answer her door.
Now you have to admit, that’s pretty funny. And more than “a little bit embarrassing”!
Just thought I’d share. 
