Hi all,
One of the things I have found to be a major player in many situations I have been confronted with is my attitude towards it. What is your attitude and how does it effect you and those you are dealing with in a self-defense situation. What about the opponents attitude? How does it affect them and you?
What are your thoughts? I will post mine shortly.
Well i am a goofy kind of guy,but sorta violant,so if some one confronst me.I just stay calm and kinda act like myself(odd) and they look at me like i am a nutcase.It drive a person off if they see yuo have no fear of them what soever.Even if thy dont know it there confidence goes down some what.And if they acsualy get to the point of attacking me them i dont hold back and try to hurt them.HOWS THAT?..well thats my personality towards a confrontation.
Joe
I like to pick a target (say a nose). I say to myself “I’m gonna break that as soon as it’s in range and open”. And then I start positioning and hunting for it (this presumes I’m for some reason already past the ‘retreat’ phase). I find it helps keep me from being distracted by their posturing (too busy trying to get a shot at the nose). It stops me from waiting to long before swinging first (as soon as that nose is in range, we are fighting) and the body language tends to discourage a potential agressor.
Don’t let 'em see you sweat. Bluff and guile are just as important as the martial art techniques you know. Now, that doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble, trying to be a bada$$ and all. But it does mean that when push comes to shove and you’re about to throw down for war with some loud-mouthed jarhead, you’d better let him know you can’t be rattled. It gives him time to rethink his position and maybe back down…
K. Mark Hoover
It depends So-o-o-o-o much on the situation. Sometimes it pays off to appear harmless, other times aggressive and others unconcerned. It really depends on the situation.
I have found that once the switch is thrown in my mind to actually do in somebody, the predators often run away. I’ve resolved more situations this way than through actual fighting. But the mental state is a direct by product of my training.
I am a big beleiver in luck. The more I work, the more luck I have.
Re: Attitude
Here is what I think.
I hope this will provoke some thought about ones accepted ideas of self-defense, violence and their martial training. I am a very strong proponent towards a persons attitude in a self-defense situation. However, I feel many people seem to prize their “attitude” more than their capacity for reasoning, often possessing more attitude than reasoning. What concerns me about purveyors of attitude is that they seem to forget that the wisdom of Al Capon can also be apply to them,
“You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.”
Most people fail to realize that a violent person also has an attitude and often a weapon to back it up. Most people reflect what has been observed about murderers, they are out of touch with the experience of being the victim and with their own potentials for experiencing pain and/or injury. Dr Stanton Samenow’s “Inside the criminal mind” is one of the best books I have ever read on what goes on with criminals, abusers and other lowlifes. It destroys many of the sacred cows regarding why criminals do what they do. I have begun to agree with Samenow’s assertion that these people’s actions don’t come from low self-esteem, but the direct opposite. They are total ego maniacs. One of the most sobering thoughts to have as we progress in training should be that what we are training to do to someone else, someone else CAN do to us. Anytime a person uses violence, they must accept that inherently the same can be used against them. This brings up an interesting concept whose roots extend down into the maxim of “the willingness to use violence is the best deterrent against violence”. This odd paradox is one of the most overlooked issues about self-defense and violent crime. I would like you to consider this; The only time someone goes on a rampage is when he is the only one armed. While true “suicide by cop” episodes do occur, most people who are taken down during a rampage started shooting when they were the only ones armed. One of Samenow’s major points is that criminals and violent people are not insane. A truly insane person would feel compelled to act, even if he knew he couldn’t get away with it. In other words, it wouldn’t matter if a police officer is standing right there, the criminal would have to act. The fact that they can control themselves means they are conscious and aware of their actions. They choose to act. Some people will not respect anyone any other way, but once they’re in touch with what can happen to them if they behave in ways that involve disrespect their behavior can change (or they degenerate into a more disrespectful beast) Some who are out of touch will do things without thinking and start a fight. We have come to the crux of the matter of how to prevent violence. I want to stress: It doesn’t matter if the guy can get away with it or not. What determines if the guy will attack or not, is whether or not that he PERCEIVES he can get away with it. Whether he has totally underestimated the situation (or doesn’t recognize the danger signals) or his own internal garbage is so overwhelming that he is blinded to everything else but the message inside his own head doesn’t matter. If he thinks he can get away with it he will go for it. You have to project the fact that you will punish him for any attack against you. In other words you have to let the guy know, right here and now, if he moves it’s going to cost him. However this is the tricky part:
YOU HAVE TO DO IT IN A MANNER THAT HE UNDERSTANDS!!.
You can be the baddest meanest person that ever walked the face of the earth but if the clown who is thinking of messing with you doesn’t understand your signals, he will attack. Many of these signals are culturally determined. The red flags of one culture won’t be understood by another. If you work in a corporate environment your clothes are really going to hamper your attempts to send a “don’t mess with me” message with someone who thinks he can get away with attacking you. Going flat eyed often isn’t enough to overcome the mixed signals and the tough guys preconceptions. This is especially true when dealing with cultures who don’t recognize it. What I have found to be useful for overcoming these mixed signals and it seems to work no matter what the culture or social level of the person confronting you is if you get a berserker maniacal gleam in your eye that says “Hey, I just learned this great disemboweling technique that I have been waiting to try out and you’re volunteering, right? COOL!” This tends to cause most to sit back and reconsider how safe it is to attack you. Even if the guy is in the middle of an emotional hissy fit, the fact that you’re projecting that you are going to really enjoy playing show and tell with his vital organs if he attacks tends to cause them to back down.
If you go into a situation with the attitude of “I really don’t want to fight” it will happen - it’s almost guaranteed.
If you go into a situation with the attitude of “I don’t want to fight, but I’ll drop you like a prom dress if you move” you have about a 50/50 chance.
But, if you go into a situation with an attitude of “You know, I’m only hanging onto civilized behavior by a thread, and if you attack me you’ll give me the excuse to gouge out your eye and skull f**k you to death - which is what I really want to do anyway. So PLEASE attack me.. PLEASE!!” You will be amazed at how many people will leave you alone. I know this sounds psycho, but remember,
It’s not what you can do that will determine if he attacks or not, but what he thinks you can do to him. Just be prepared to back it up.
Insight to violence
I can thourghly recommend Geoff Thompsons ‘Watch my back’ and ‘bouncer’ plus his collaboration with Peter Consterdine for the Pavement Arena series of videoes which exemplify and confirm my own experience with violence, criminals and their psyche.
“And the crowd called out for more”
Interesting points, Danny T, and worth considering. I think I may check out this book you’re talking about…
K. Mark Hoover
wow
Danny,
Geez! I was exausted after reading your post. =) Although I totaly agree with your post. I recently switched my stratagy fo cooling off those who step up to the plate so to speak.
My old way was to appologize and portray the “lets not do this” attitude and try to just talk him down. This did work most of the time, but there would be every so often it would escalate. Ususaly to a simple push or grab that I would turn into a joint lock/manipulation and cool him off by projecting total superiority. Only on a couple of occasions did I have to take it to the next level after that.
Now, I simply start by apologizing for whatever was the cause (weather its my fault or not) and if that doesn’t work then I say say something like " OK I tried to be nice, which isn’t easy, but your not happy. So if you really want to fight then just try it and lets see how fast “I” can do this" And I say it all with a smile. This gives the impression that I have no doubt that I will annihalate him.
Since my change, I have not had a single confrontation go past that.
I decided on this change after reading a study of how in almost all mamels (primates and human included) The alfa-males do not always have to fight to get that spot. In actuality its usualy enough to simply project “confidence of superiority” over the challengers.
Assumption is the mother of tragedy. Just keep and open mind, be ready, and go full force.
Just my 2 cents
attitude can play a hige role
I tend to take to confident approach. I never let on to the fact that I may have some doubt about the situation. confidence can go a long way. A friend of mine, one who has the same attitude as me, was confronted by this guy at a concert. my friend stared him in the eye and said “Do you want to get hurt?” at the time, he was just beginning kung fu, but his opponent didn’t know that and backed down to his confidence.
“Civilize the mind, make savage the body.”
one thing though seven star
Just make sure you have the skills to back up the confidence just in case.
Ive seen situations where the guy was confident and spoke it, but then the other individual wasnt impressed, and so they got into it anyway.
Lets just say confidence doesn’t always transcend to the body. 
Confident Approach
Danny T - Nice post.
I have found that saying things like, “You don’t want to do this” or “There are easier targets out there man” or even, “You are not good enough” works quite well. Make sure the voice is nice and level and quiet. A truly confident approach.
You know that even if the guy beats you it will not come cheap. All you need to do is make sure the aggressor knows that too.
Many instances of agression leading to violence are based on spur-of-the-moment, flash acts (I remove from that things like well though out mass killings, shooting up school yards, etc, etc). For some reason an agressor seems to feel the need to become violent with you. Maybe you bumped into him or maybe you looked at him wrong. Whateber the reason, most violent confrontations do not begin with the intent on violence. If you can get the agressor to stop and consider, even for a second, you can difuse things.
As I said - make sure he knows that it will not be easy to take you down. I am usually not creative enough in the heat of the moment to expound on the finer points of disembowlment or the sound made by a breaking elbow.
Living in a city can put you face to face with ALL kinds of people and letting the antagonist know that it will NOT be easy seems to get them to reconsider. I must admit that I am happy it has not gone beyond that in quite some time
Hmmm, this is what I think.
I agree with Omegapoint that it is necessary to be able to back-up ones confidence and appearance with force, but the fact that we do martial arts means that we are trying to achieve and perfect this force. I too agree with Tigerdragon that one cannot simply bow down to another even if the agressor appears to be bigger, stronger or what ever the reason. Though I think one must look at the situation and decide whether it is best to back off… due to being out numbered or what ever the reason, or to stand firm.
It obviously depends on the situation, such as amount of friends or agressors present, if your family or the agressors family is present is another factor. But I think in a general one on one confrontation, there are certain ways to handle it without needing to prove that you can hurt him.
I have always believed that aggression is generally caused by replasing thought with anger. So, if you are able to resturn thought to the aggressor, chances are, he will not attack.I have found saying the following to be very effective. I generally say to the aggressor “this is going to end up going one of 3 ways, you fck me up and I sue you for assault, I fck you up and you can’t do sh*t cause it was self defence, or you and I both walk away and have a good evening!” What I find this does is it return the though of consequences to his mind, and he begins to think of the repecussions of his action. You convince him in his mind that he is in a lose/lose situation.
One must learn how to fight, in order to learn how not to fight!