Sixteen Things You Didn’t Know About Chuck Norris!
Body: Sixteen Things You Didn’t Know About Chuck Norris!
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Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad He has never cried.
-
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, His family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since He carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat
on
His back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. -
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch His way out of His mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter
He
grew a beard. -
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell His urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. -
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with His
beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement. -
Chuck Norris sold His soul to the Devil in exchange for rugged good
looks
and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the Devil in the face and took His
soul back. Satan, impressed, couldn’t stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second
Wednesday of the month. -
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck
Norris–more than meets the eye… Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,”
and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the Earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and who could turn into a pick-up truck. This
was
far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. -
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of “beard”, which Jesus wore proudly to his dying day. The other Wise
Men,
jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly thereafter all three died
roundhouse kick-related deaths. -
A man once asked Chuck Norris if His real name is “Charles”. Chuck
Norris did not respond; He simply stared at the man until he exploded. -
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and He will sure as hell take
yours.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my
virginity,” then you are dead wrong. -
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips
from “Walker: Texas Ranger”. He is now working on a way to make it
show
clips of Himself having sex with Conan O’Brien’s wife. -
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
-
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming “Law” and “Order” are
trademarked names for His left and right legs. -
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb
on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more “humane”. -
If you can see Chuck Norris, He can see you. If you can’t see Chuck
Norris, you may be seconds away from death.
… from this dudes myspace thing: http://www.myspace.com/primordialpurity