You know your Kung Fu sucks if....

Wai Jia: The Kung Fu Forum Kung Fu Forum
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You know our Kung Fu sucks if…

#10…Your “grandmaster” claims to be the only one but there is already a recognized head of the system.

#9…If you thought the “Gopher Chucks” in Kung Pow were cool, and have tried to make some of your own.

#8…Your master claims to have secret books and scrolls from thousands of years ago but the system is only 50 years old.

#7…You wear a Karate Gi and a BELT, and think it’s OK because you were told it was.

#6…Your teacher makes you say things like “Right to pay the money?” or “Right to let you have sex with my wife?”

#5…Every single time you practice Iron Body you end up vomiting/urinating blood.

#4…You think that practicing “good dog” movements will disarm a gun/knife weilding attacker

#3…If your “kung fu” includes “animal” styles like “tree, wizard, gangfighter or bullfighter”.

#2…Your student manual is handwriten on toilet paper.

#1…If your school moto is “Our skills are too deadly to be made public”!

And a bonus one…just because we couldn’t stop we were on a roll!!

YOUR SCHOOL LOGO INCLUDES THE REBEL FLAG!!

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Did you make these up?

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You know your Kung Fu sucks if…

Your sifu thinks iron palm is a way of servicing hisself!!!

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#7

:rolleyes:

nospam.
:cool:

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You know your KF sucks if…

…you spend more time on KFO than you do training.

6

:smiley:

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The sad thing is, the place I used to go to was guilty of about half of those :frowning:

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I am working on a NEW top 10 list! I know how much you ALL enjoyed the last one, so I will think up a new one for ya!!!

KungFuGuy! Sorry to say, but you got ROBBED!!!

~Wen~

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I know :smiley:

Although the next place I’m going to looks to be pretty great. It’s a san shou/bjj cross training school. Awesome, eh?

10

  1. The wall photo of the schools grandmaster looks suspiciously like Alfred E. Newman

  2. Your first weapons class is in how to use the ‘num-chucks’.

11

Soundman’s:

#1: You spend over half of the lesson doing exercise. Like running and skipping.

#2: When you complain to your Sifu with:

“I didn’t come here to learn to skip” he replies with:

“So why do you come here?”

#3: You overhear that the new payrise is to pay off “Ted’s” new Subaru Impreza World Rally Edition.

All true I’m afraid. :frowning:

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You have to get your stepping registered with the minister of silly walks.

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  • when you have a fake lineage; and your teacher says that you are unstoppable when you use x, then y
  • when your shrfu is teaching you how to take people down without touching them
  • when your fighting strategy consists of flips and butterfly twists.
  • when you get knocked out
  • when you are training and someone comes up and asks if you are doing swing dance
  • when your combos consist of moves stolen from street fighter the video game.
14

Your “grandmaster” is the same guy that plays the infamous great white ninja in the “American Ninja” series.

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Originally posted by Budokan
[B]You know your KF sucks if…

…you spend more time on KFO than you do training. [/B]

amen to that.

wait, no, i wasn’t here to read that… too busy training ******!

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…if:

your KFO handle is wushu chic.

:eek:

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Oh, that was JUST WRONG :confused:

Wushu Chik is our resident (resi-deadly) hottie!

#11 If your school is called Shaolin-Do, and you wear gay asssed gi’s with the school’s logo on back - like the enemy school in The Karate Kid.

#12 If you’re not having fun while learning. Sifu Totten is such a cut up, I have laughed myself silly on several occasions during class. Unless he was clocking my big ass with a palm strike for demonstration.

18

If, upon receiving your black sash, you are required to have the donkey and the hyenna burned into your forearms.

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  1. You attempt to block punches with your face.
  2. You learnt to fight by watching star wars movies.
  3. You own ‘empty force’ video correspondence courses.
  4. When fighting you keep attempting the Jedi mind control trick.
  5. You learnt to use a sword by playing with a ruler.
    6.You learnt to use a staff playing with a mop.
  6. You cant get in horse stance, let alone hold it.
  7. When you punch things it hurts you more than your target.
  8. You make creaking noices when you move.
  9. You get beat up a lot…

The most important one…
When you spend more time trying to make sure everyone else is doing the wrong thing than you do on yourself doing the right thing.

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Your instructor calls himself Si Gung but teaches a style he never learned!

:eek:

It’s happened…I swear!