Steven Seagal: Lawman

Martial Media, Culture and Other Arts Martial Media and Popular Culture
21

Now I kind of want to see this…

Steven Seagal IS Mr. Miyagi!
By Jeniffer Kelly
Published: December 03, 2009

I’ve seen some outlandish reality show premises in my time - people with 18 kids, celebrities going through rehab, even women pretending to be attracted to the likes of Bret Michaels and Flava Flav. But whoever pitched “Steven Seagal: Lawman” deserves an Emmy.

I can hear it now: “It’s kind of like ‘Cops’ meets ‘Karate Kid’ meets crazy.” This show already has cult status in my book, and it just premiered last night!

Who knew? Steven Seagal, action star, is also Steven Seagal, Deputy Sheriff. (I know this because in the opening credits he actually growls dramatically, “My name is Steven Seagal --THAT’S RIGHT – Steven Seagal … Deputy Sheriff.”) Apparently Officer Steve has been serving the people of Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, for the last 20 years.

If you didn’t catch the premiere last night, set your DVR. This is a must-see, but probably not for the reasons Seagal intended. Law enforcement is clearly a no-nonsense job, and Seagal seems to be sincere in his efforts to fight crime. The thing is, though, his seriousness translates into sheer comedy; one might compare him to a William Shatner or a David Caruso.

You see, it’s almost as if Seagal is playing a role on either a sitcom or a crime drama – I haven’t decided which it is yet – about a wacky yet capable Zen police officer.
If you didn’t know that he was a lifelong practitioner of martial arts, then you will … after he mentions it at least five times. Apparently he is one of the world’s highest-ranking teachers in aikido. And just like any guru, he not only has the martial arts experience but the wisdom to back it up.

An example of one of his pearls: “The more we know about what’s happening out there, the safer we are.” A regular Mr. Miyagi.

Adding to the “melodramedy” of it all are some of the post-production effects. It’s almost as if the producers want to set him up as having a sixth sense about crime. The patrol car passes two young men, nothing to be alarmed about. But then, there is some sort of flash and a “CSI”-like sound effect, which obviously means that we are now seeing the scene through Steven’s eyes. He caught something that we laypeople could not. That perp has a gun!

And, by the way, apparently Steven sees in black and white. Must be a Zen thing.

You’d never guess it, but Seagal is actually an expert marksman. (Again, he is a real police officer, ya’ll!) While helping a fellow officer improve his aim, he explains that the key is pushing the bullet out rather than just pulling the trigger.

Whatever hippie nonsense he uses seems to work, though. He shows off by shooting the tips off Q-tips, leaving only the “Q.” When he also shoots the tip off of a match, he seems disappointed that it failed to light but his Zen attitude keeps him in check.

During altercations with perps, he keeps calm. When a suspect gets agitated before kicking out the squad car window, Seagal simply says, “That gentleman is not a very good Zen practitioner.” I wouldn’t be surprised if in next week’s episode, he offered a yoga lesson mid-arrest!

This program has so much potential for hilarity and I hope that some of my questions are answered as the season progresses. For instance, has Seagal been a full-time cop for the past 20 years or is he amping up his presence on the squad for the reality show? I mean, how could a full-time cop find the time to film such gems as “Today You Die” and “Pistol Whipped?”

A&E promises that the cameras will follow Seagal on-duty and off, as he “pursues his many ventures – including musical performances and philanthropic efforts.” Oooh, musical performances! I hope there’s a song about a cop who fights crime with martial arts and movie stardom.

Guess we’ll have to tune in next week to find out. I’m hooked.

But not the musical performances. Lawd no. Not Seagal’s music.

22

I watched an episode last night. This stuff is way better than Dog.
I crack up at Seagal’s facial expressions and how they film it, kinda Reno 911 ish.
Of course they had to throw in some Aikido training with his fellow cops and recruits. I’ll definitely watch it again.

I love how in one instance Deputy Seagal is telling a guy " We’re trying to find MURDERERS, we’re not looking for guys like you." And shocker, during one foot chase seen, the perp gets away from all the slow obese officers.

23

3.5 million viewers?!?!

And brothernumber9 was the only one from our forum? Come on now. Some one else here must have watched. 'fess up!

Steven Seagal Lawman Breaks A&E Record
DATE: 12/03/09

The launch of A&E’s new original series “Steven Seagal Lawman” premiered Wednesday night at 10PM ET/PT with a record-breaking 3.5 million total viewers and 2.0 million viewers adults 18-49 and 25-54 over two back-to-back episodes, making it the most-watched original series launch in the network’s history among all key demos.

The series also witnessed growth episode-to-episode climbing from 3.4 million viewers at 10PM to 3.6 million at 10:30PM. Back-to-back new episodes of “Steven Seagal Lawman” air weekly Wednesdays at 10PM and 10:30PM ET/PT.

The success comes on the heels of Monday night’s record-breaking performance, when the hit series “Hoarders” temporarily became the network’s best ever season opener for any original A&E series among adults 18-49 and 25-54.

“Steven Seagal Lawman” chronicles martial arts expert and international film star Steven Seagal’s extraordinary life in law enforcement. “Steven Seagal Lawman” is produced for A&E Network by ITV Studios (formerly Granada America) and Steamroller Productions. John X. Kim is the Executive Producer, Lucas Platt is the Co- Executive Producer, and Anna Geddes is the Series Producer for ITV Studios. Steven Seagal and Phillip B. Goldfine are Executive Producers for Steamroller Productions. Joe Halpin and Binh Dang are Producers for Steamroller Productions. Executive Producers for A&E are Robert Sharenow and Neil A. Cohen.

24

if i watched tv id totally watch it. everyone likes to rag on seagal, and so do i, but i do respect the man as a martial artist. hell ive been entertained by him on screen more than once.

admit it, under seige was cool, and not just cuz of the tits…:smiley:

25

[QUOTE=brothernumber9;974174]This stuff is way better than Dog.[/QUOTE]

No way.

Dog is hilarious. It’s like a real life Beverly Hillbillies.

26

so does Segal wear a really big body armor? Like down to his knees?
Did you guys notice that his jackets keep getting bigger? He went from shirt out, to nehru jacket, to huge coat, to what, a Mu-Mu?

27

God, the show is horrible. :smiley:

“see, he’s not going to resist you if you take his wrist” :rolleyes:

“if you do this you can flip him” :rolleyes:

28

you know that quote from fight clue? “If you could fight one celebrity, who would it be?” Mine would be steven segal… he’s such a douchbag.

29

I can’t think of Steven Seagal without thinking of Will Sasso…

30

Forwarded by a friend

This is a little dated, but it’s still funny.

Tuesday, March 20, 2001
Top Ten Messages On Steven Seagal’s Answering Machine
10.“Great film. Was it a challenge memorizing your four lines?”
9.“This is Blockbuster. You have a bunch of overdue Steven Seagal movies”
8.“You know that part when the bad guy said something that made you mad, so you kicked him? How do you come up with stuff like that?”
7.“This is Bob at the carwash. All of a sudden you’re too big to come to work?”
6.“Hey, Steve, it’s the devil. Remember that contract you signed?”
5.“Stevie Seagal, it’s Josh Goldstein from your Hebrew school”
4.“Hey, it’s Letterman. Can you give me a ride to kung fu class?”
3.“You have no messages”
2.“It’s your brother: I want $50,000 in unmarked bills or I reveal that you’re 74 years old”
1.“Your new movie kicks ass!!! You’re awesome!!! Give me a call in the Oval Office”

31

bummer

These lone episode may be your only chance to see the show…

Seagal colossal decline
Post staff writer
Last Updated: 12:19 PM, December 14, 2009
Posted: 2:39 AM, December 14, 2009

Steven Seagal, the martial-arts movie star who is trying his hand at reality TV, ought to file a missing-persons report – because he’s lost nearly half his audience in a week.

Between Weeks 1 and 2 of his new show, “Lawman” on A&E, more than 43 percent of his viewers disappeared, according to Nielsen.

On the show, Seagal is followed by cameras as he rides along – as a deputy – with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in Louisiana.

The show got mixed reviews from critics for its unintentional comedy, poking fun at Seagal’s action-hero reputation and the sheer awkwardness of a Hollywood actor comporting himself as a cop in the real world of petty crime and traffic stops.

From the ratings, it would appear a lot of fans believe one episode was enough for them.

The series’ premiere two weeks ago set a record for the longtime cable channel, 3.6 million viewers.

But by last week, the ratings were down to just 2 million people watching.

That’s not a bad number for cable TV, where about 1 million viewers is the cutoff for failure on new shows, but disappointing for a show with a big-bang start.

32

Yeah, I caught a couple episodes that were shown in a row. Aside from Seagal’s presence, it’s even less interesting than Cops.

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[QUOTE=Jimbo;976233]Yeah, I caught a couple episodes that were shown in a row. Aside from Seagal’s presence, it’s even less interesting than Cops.[/QUOTE]

When you consider that he is working in a suburb of New Orleans, it is only a matter of time before it gets interesting. I read somewhere that New Orleans is the most dangerous city in the US. When I lived there it was wild and wooly at times. The man has achieved more in his life than most men have and is still living a dream. I find him to be a very interesting individual.

LCP

34

I love Steven, the few times I have met him and had a chance to train with him a bit, were great times, and I know how little he cares about his “movie image” sort of speaking, that is why he signed that nice contract for all those straight to DVD movies.
I do still miss the “old” Seagal at times though.

35

[QUOTE=sanjuro_ronin;976290]I love Steven, the few times I have met him and had a chance to train with him a bit, were great times, and I know how little he cares about his “movie image” sort of speaking, that is why he signed that nice contract for all those straight to DVD movies.
I do still miss the “old” Seagal at times though.[/QUOTE]

…the wife beating Seagal?:mad:

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[QUOTE=TaichiMantis;976296]…the wife beating Seagal?:mad:[/QUOTE]

LOL !
Sometimes a ***** needs mofu slap !!

I was referring to his movies and I can say this, those incidents changed the man for the better, Hollywood can be a poison for some.
No excuse mind you, there is no excuse for that, but there are reasons.

37

Sacky Chan

This show sounds strangely entertaining… will it survive the season?

TV Recap: Steven Seagal Lawman - “Medicine Man”

We are headed into the New Year and we have yet to run out of Lawman episodes so let’s take care of the latest recap! In this past week’s episode, “Medicine Man,” Seagal fans are treated to the usual formula: Seagal and his team patrol the streets, eventually spot a suspect, and get involved in some sort of profanity-laced foot chase that inevitably sets up the episode’s theme.

This week’s chases include a suspicious person in front of a liquor store, some guy driving while intoxicated, and some more suspicious guys in a parking lot. Apparently all the chases were more than Colonel John Fortunato’s knee could handle — ergo, this week’s theme!

After the first few chases Seagal decides to take Colonel Fortunato to a Chinese medicine man for some knee relief. Not only do we learn that Seagal is an expert in traditional Chinese medicine but we also get to see Seagal use acupuncture to treat Fortunato’s weight problem. Is his large appetite the reason he has knee problems? We really never find out but Seagal does offer us this: “We’ll speed up the metabolism and you will eat less, digest more, and lose weight.”

Later, during one of the profanity-laced foot chases, Seagal is outrun by a fleeing suspect. However, Seagal does explain why the guy escaped. “He just outran me — he had too much of a head start.”

Yeah, right. All I can say is that if Seagal’s physique and apparent foot speed is evidence of the effectiveness of acupuncture for weight loss, then Mr. Fortunato had better plan to buy larger pants.

The chuckle of the week goes to some drunken guy who was driving his vehicle while drinking bourbon from a cup. Since he had no outstanding warrants, Seagal’s team calls the drunk a cab and eventually lets him go. However, during the interaction, this guy questions Seagal’s martial arts prowess and rattles off a list of Hollywood martial artists who he thinks Steven could or could not “take.” Included in this list is the lesser known martial artist, “Sacky Chan.”

And that quote, my friend, pretty much sums up this episode.

Sacky Chan!

38

darn thatw as a great show tv:mad:

im a still a big steven seagal fan i even like his newer movies as well they are always reliable for providing good stuff

39

[QUOTE=TaichiMantis;976296]…the wife beating Seagal?:mad:[/QUOTE]

No kidding.

The guy is a total douche. He married his way into his Aikido rank and then dumped her when he got famous, he beat at least one wife, he committed polygamy, he slept with his children’s nanny, he used his Hollywood power to sexually harrass women (google Steven Seagal and Jenny McCarthy to see her hilarious story about him trying to get her on his ‘casting couch’), and yet he somehow convinced the Tibetans to say he is a reincarnated Lama.

40

[QUOTE=1bad65;980925]No kidding.

The guy is a total douche. He married his way into his Aikido rank and then dumped her when he got famous, he beat at least one wife, he committed polygamy, he slept with his children’s nanny, he used his Hollywood power to sexually harrass women (google Steven Seagal and Jenny McCarthy to see her hilarious story about him trying to get her on his ‘casting couch’), and yet he somehow convinced the Tibetans to say he is a reincarnated Lama.[/QUOTE]

You say all that stuff as if they were bad things.