I’ve been working on this for a while now- but in an ultimate/complete sense- is it truly possible? Lacking desire for material things is easy, but food, water and women? When I get hungry or thirsty- I get hungry or thirsty- my stomach starts to eat itself if the munchies are too late. The last part(opposite sex- for some, same sex.) I can picture as possible, but highly improbable. Denying yourself the activity is one thing, but, just not having that desire… ? I mean, I used to think about sex every seven seconds in high school- to stop completely would be like a heroin addict quitting cold turkey- but heroin is bad, and so are desires.
There’s a difference between the things that we need and the things that we desire. You need food and water to live and as for sex, try looking at it like this.
Once we fulfill an intent brought on by desire then the desire is no longer there. Say for instance you desire a play station 2 once you have one the desire to own one has gone and you will never desire one again (unless stolen or something) the point being that for some cases this is not true. Like sex for instance, once you have fulfilled this desire you know that it will return again and again the same goes for food and drink.
Piffle, I say. You need food and drink to live, but not sex. You won’t die if you don’t have sex nor will it affect you negatively. Honestly, it’s just an archaic instinct and it’s pathetic that you allow yourself to be controlled by it. I don’t have the desire for sex and you know what? I am THANKFUL for it. I live a free life and am not under the tyranny of my hormones. A few of my brother’s friends go down to bars every weekend just looking for women who are willing to have sex with them and when they don’t they actually suffer. I think its ridiculous! :rolleyes:
“Love is something which is never meant to last. It is but a flower that blooms and then withers away.”
The sex urge is a primal instinct, and should not be simply ignored. It can be controlled, but it is nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the species. Don’t fight it too much
Having said that, while I enjoy looking at beautiful women I am not a slave to my sex drive. I agree that it is a good feeling to not be controlled by my hormones.
No, I haven’t heard of DSB. Enlighten me. Anyway, I am not ignoring an urge, what I’m saying is that I have absolutely no urge at all. This is the 21st century and we are civilized and evolved begins. Sex should begin to have a diminished role but unfortunately it doesn’t.
Now, I do consider myself to be somewhat of an aesthete. I also enjoy beautiful things but I would never consider any woman to be a sex object as you seem to be doing. That is incredibly shallow. Whatever happened to connecting with someone on the mental level? I hope one day to have a very cerebral but also emotional relationship with a woman one day, one that is untainted by banal desires.
“Love is something which is never meant to last. It is but a flower that blooms and then withers away.”
Don’t assume that because I like to look at beautiful women that I am treating them as sex objects and am a shallow person. Get to know someone before you pass judgement. Where did I ever say that because I look at beautiful women that I treat them as sex objects?
My girlfriend would disagree on your premature assessment of me.
You sound like you have never had a relationship with a woman. If you had, then you would know that physical desire is an integral part of a healthy relationship. You seem to have lofty ideals on what a relationship should be like.
Welcome to the real world. Most healthy women would eventually become bored with a purely intellectual relationship.
I’d like to know how you’re able to speak for all healthy women? Perhaps any women out there on the forum would like to post an opinion?
Anyway, my ideals may be lofty, but I will never abdandon them. A relationship based on the mind and emotions only, is pure. I will never settle, either. If I don’t find someone to share my life with, then so be it.
“Love is something which is never meant to last. It is but a flower that blooms and then withers away.”
Do you have a reading problem? I didn’t say all healthy women, I said most healthy women. Contrary to popular belief, women enjoy sex as much as men do. There are also just as many men out there who are uninterested in sex as there are women. MOST women would find a non-physical relationship unsatisfying I think, as would most men.
Good luck to you in your quest for your perfect relationship. I sincerely hope you find it, because a lot of people don’t.
As a woman, I must say that YES, we apreciate sex in a relationship. Not as much as you guys, but this is a biological issue :)) .
Now: as a woman AND as member of this discussion board, I say sex is a lot more fun/enlightening/ beneficial for health and mind when practiced with someone I’m in love with. It’s not just the passion thing, I mean, there’s the friendship, the mutual respect, etc…
Having sex with a different person every day/week/month for whom I feel only physical desire is stressing (for both partners, I believe) and doesn’t bring that much satisfaction.
Anyway, I feel that a relationship without sex is like a chocolate cake without the chocolate, if y’know what I mean.
I am hostile because you are very willing to make assumptions about the person that I am without bothering to get to know me.
You use words like shallow and imply that I treat women as sex objects. You also imply that because you choose not to indulge in the physical aspects of relationships that you are better because as you say “This is the 21st century and we are civilized and evolved begins. Sex should begin to have a diminished role but unfortunately it doesn’t.”
Firstly, if you bothered to get to know me you would find that while I am not exactly deep, I am far from shallow. Also, I do not treat women as sex objects. I have 4 sisters who I respect and love very much. I also have a girlfriend who I also respect and love very much and they will all attest to the fact that I do not treat women as sex objects. And they also accept the fact that I like to look at beautiful women - to admir ethem for their beauty, nothing else.
Secondly, as long as the human race exists, sex will not play a diminished role. Yes people should be able to control their sexual urges and I think most people do, but sex is a normal part of human existence and is an integral part of the survival of the species.
Now I know the arguments about humans evolving to a higher plane etc. but as we have not done that yet, sex is still a real and integral part of the human makeup.
Your choice to be aesthete is admirable and I applaud you. Don’t look down on others who do not share in your endeavour.
So, certain desires are ok- as long as they are neccesary to life.
It’s just a natural feeling for me to desire sex from a beautiful/attractive woman. I’m not saying it is a primary objective- but the thought arises.
I can curb that desire, but not eliminate it(as of yet).
Isn’t it a “goal”, on the path to enlightenment, to have no desires- or does that familiar thought flash in the minds of enlightened ones, as well?
Thanks for the replies.
I think the point that Braden made was that it is attachment that you should get rid of. It is normal to have desires, but once you satisfy that desire you should not be attached to it (the satisfaction I think).
For example, yes it is normal to desire a beautiful woman. But don’t become attached to the idea of having a beautiful woman, or having sex with a beautiful woman. Indulge your desires if they arise (within reason of course) but don’t become too attached to the indulgence.
Once you achieve no attachment, then desire becomes a non-issue. You take what comes your way (so to speak) and you are content with that because you have no attachment. You may have desires but if you don’t get them it is not a problem because there is no attachment.
I think this is what is meant by no attachment. Someone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. I’m certainly no expert in this field
