Someone I know went out last night with his girl and there was a situation where a guy nicked this guy’s wallet. He got it back but the thief had a real bad attitude and threatened my friend with big words about knives. My friend prepared for the worst but didn’t start a fight and eventually got the guy thrown out to the sound of more dire threats to my friend.
My friend’s girlfriend knew he did kungfu and wanted her man to kick ass. My friend doesn’t want to be violent if unnecessary. They argued very badly about it. My friend feels his girlfriend let him down seriously by jeopardizing his security. The girlfriend feels her man let him down by not strutting his stuff.
This is very upsetting for the person involved and he really doesn’t know how he can win. If he doesn’t fight he loses the girl’s respect and if he does fight he loses self-respect.
Anyone else had this happen? What can I say to make it better?
The powers of Kung Fu never fail!
– Hong Kong Phooey
Hey David,
Upon reading your post, I was brainstorming on you friend’s situation. I wonder if it would help to have him explain to her that because kung fu is so powerful by those attempting to master it, you can really do serious harm to a person. And that can later involve lawsuits and legal proceedings. I wonder if she’s seen too many well-choreographed martial arts flicks? Many times they are very cut and dry, and often quite one-sided. I would have her attend a class at his school so that she would better understand the exertion and power behind kung fu and the fundamentals we learn as students. If it makes any difference, I totally respect your pal for not just falling back on the “I know kung fu” bit.
I agree with Wong…the chick has issues. She should be happy that neither him or her were hurt, not pissed because he didn’t fight. What if the guy really had a knife? She would’ve witnessed her man getting cut up. How woulds she feel then? Mine wants to see me fight to, but IN THE RING, not on the street.
"Just because I joke around sometimes doesn’t mean I’m serious about kung-fu.
" - nightair
I had this issue with one of my ex before…and let me tell u this…DUMP HER! She’s SELFISH! She wants to see her man fight for her. Think about it…what about the MAN’s welfare…what would happen if the MAN got whipped or knived or shot…she sounds like the type to go on the winning side…no excuses…she’s BITTTCHHHH!!! DUMP HER NOW!!!
I’m dismayed at those women who can’t wait for their boyfriends or husbands to play the great warrior role, inappropriately. I’ve seen where a woman will try to provoke violence this way by purposefully approaching the threatening person and verbally taunting him and infringing on his space.
While it appears like the issue of respect – respect of the woman for the man, and respect of the man for himself for doing the “right” thing by the lady(?)-- is at stake, it’s not simple.
I think that the man who succumbs to this pressure has a problem, possibly a serious one. In the end, self respect can be determined only by doing what he believes in his heart to be the right thing at the time. That takes into account making an error and learning from it. If his self respect hinges on escalating avoidable confrontations spurred by the little woman, he’s a hurting dude and needs to change how he sees himself.
The woman might go for winners, as was pointed out. Or she might get her thrills having her man go out and bust someone for her. Respect really doesn’t come into it, except that she might have low self respect herself, and it’s her way of kicking ass vicariously.
The dynamics between a couple who get into the sort of pattern alluded to here, especially once the pattern goes on automatic, are destructive to both partners.
Your friend’s concerns are legit. He was right. Heck, I would have been thrilled that he got the wallet back without a fight. He doesn’t see how he can win? I do. Find someone who loves him for who he is, for his good judgment in a hot situation, for his caring. Find someone who won’t get him harmed on a whim.
I think Legend hit it dead on. I had a g/f like this once…at the drop of a hat she was always saying “My b/f knows martial arts, he’s gonna kick your ass!” And if I didn’t she’d get mad…because I made HER look bad! Anyhow, she’s my EX. It didn’t take long for that get old real quick.
Now I have a g/f who won’t let me fight when I want to. sigh From one extreme to another, I suppose. Such is the yin/yang of my life.
We are trained in wushu; we must protect the Temple!
Gals, please be offended. Girls will be girls. This is a stereotype, no matter how well deserved and true in nearly every case of pouty No Knows what they want and whatever for the moment. Then off to the next distraction. Boys are just there to be practice for their womanly craft of manipulation until they get to the political arena…
She couldn’t care less~ but gives lots…(hmmm?)… Women have a tough life. Perhaps everyone does but to be everyone plus a woman ~ that’s suffering-ish. There is so much stuff on females (in perhaps E V E R Y culture/society) They are trained and ingrained to develop mental toughness, and misdirection (she must not allow you to know her Every thought. Whatever you do know, she allows )
There are alot of people with quirks. Younger people spend their time together to learn themselves. So, even if they don’t stay together they will have learned more what they want or~ develop as individuals. While her attitude is off~ She is likely On-ish, in several ways of thinking and should not necessarily be dismissed for that one err in think. He can learn to stick to his guns–stand by his beliefs. Kung-Fu has different whatevers, but one is~, Kung-Fu means doing what’s right even when no one will accept you for it (stereotype of what it means to Kung-Fu~.
Until you find the Right One~, enjoy the ones you find.
Your friend needs to know in his Heart that he did good and that it will be years to decades before he realizes (stereotypically) if it was fear or smarts that had him act that way. And that doing what he “should do”- as per the say from Kung Lek, sometimes, has to be enough. Some-such~
Very some such, perhaps might have been, likely say some, some not.
She probably flirts with guys to get a rise out of him too.
Dumb the broad.
“Americans don’t have the courage to come here,” Mullah Mohammed Omar, leader of the Taliban
There is only one tactical principle which is not subject to change; it is, ‘To use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of wounds, death, and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of time.’ Patton
