How do you fight a 1000-pound-squatting roid freak?

Wai Jia: The Kung Fu Forum Kung Fu Forum
1

How do you think you would fight this guy:
http://www.bootydown.com/freaks/images/capt.kirk1003.rm

I took the link from the Kung Fu training and health forum. Here are the conditions: You are in an alley with your back against the wall. There is limited space so you can’t run away. So you have to take this guy out. Oh yeah no weapons, and you are conveniently wearing loose clothes. This reminds me of that Jackie Chan movie where he fought all those wrestlers.
Go for the Ballz and eyes for a start, any other opinions? If I could, I’d just beg for mercy.
-FJ

2

How would I fight a 1000-pound squatting roid freak?

I’d stand right behind him and when his thighs got parallel to the floor, I’d just kick him forward. The bar should do the rest.
SNAP :eek:

I don’t get mad.
I get stabby.

3

don’t hold back, stay to the outside.

HO HO HO

4

Just call for his moma!..She will grab him by the ear and take him home to so POPA can teach him not to take on “little people” :eek:

Les paroles s’envolent.
Les écrits restent!..

5

Just because someone is big doesn’t mean they are unbeatable. Besides, if he’s having a lot of trouble with 'rhoids then he won’t be that hard to take out anyway.

Failing that, beg for mercy then sucker punch him in any one of these tried and true places: temple, throat, eyes, nose, solar plexus, groin. You’ll be able to get away from the rhoid monster then.

K. Mark Hoover

6

attack weak points viciously .. eyes, throat, knees, ankels, groin, ears (actually doesn’t take much to completely pull it off or so i have heard) . ..

get the fu ck away from the wall as soon as possible. if running still isn’t an option, or you don’t want to run, work your mobility against his. attack at weak angles. . keep your side to him if you can to give him as little of a target as possible . .. whatever you do don’t stand right in front of him and just duke it out unless you want to lose for some reason.

this is probably a stylistic preference but i would want to drop my hight as low as possible without sacraficing too much mobility. when in tight i would drop even lower. most big guys like that arent kickers so it makes sense to me to give him a little less to punch plus i’m going to wan’t all the stability and root i can get.

bite.

if you believe in god pray.

if you don’t pray anyway.

where’s my beer?

7

also just because a guy is strong doesn’t mean he can hit hard. also doesn’t mean he can fight . .. but i guess we were assuming he could.

where’s my beer?

8

Just tell him you heard most rhoid monsters are in actuality little momma-boys at heart who are also trying to get over the fact their daddies didn’t spend enough quality time with them.

When he breaks down to cry at his shame and humility of being found out, crush his temple with an elbow and lay him flat out. Then you can urinate on him at your convenience before going about your life.

K. Mark Hoover

9

peeing on people is the ultimate stress release.

where’s my beer?