The other day, I had that Johnny Cash song, Ring of Fire stuck in my head, and went around for a couple of hours singing it. So I asked one of my co-workers to find a radio station with a catchy tune to help me out. It was on some ska song that went, “yum yum bumblebee, bumblee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, yum yum bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love a sandwich made with bumblebee” or something like that. It was a capella even. So after about an hour or so of that torture (I’m not a big fan of ska), I finally found the tune to put all annoyingly catchy tunes out of your head permanently!
The Sherry Lewis and Lambchop show theme!
“This is the song that never ends.
Yes it goes on and on, my friend.
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue singing it
Forever just because,
This is the song that never ends…”
If you’ve ever heard this song, you likely walked around for days beating your head against brick walls and trying to drown the tune out with alcohol, only to find out that you ended up banging your head against the wall to the beat of the song and that alcohol only amplifies the volume until you end up singing it out loud and couldn’t help but march around in circles mimicking the leader of a marching band and urging people to join you in a shameless display of sickeningly sweet childish glee!
I even tried reciting the Lord’s Prayer, that’s how desparate I was! “Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, thy Will be done, in Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily song that never ends. Yes it goes on and on, my friend. Some people…”
You see the problem? I should have stuck with Johnny Cash…I’ll probably be reduced to a pitiful mass of quivering jelly by monday afternoon, unable to form any coherent syllable not included in the lyrics of that Damned Song straight from the blood smeared pages of the accursed Necronomicon! What foul demon have I unearthed? What Unnameable bastard child of the aethyr have I unleashed, its gnashing tricornered mouth and multifaceted eyes come to bear on my soul, its horrible unspeakable will come to pass!!!
Dear God, NOOOOO!!! It’s eyes!!! In its eyes I see…
(gurgle, gurgle)
“…the song that never ends.
Yes it goes on and on, my friend…”
EPILOGUE:
Patient has been bound in a straightjacket for eight days, seven hours, and locked in a padded cell the whole time. Through the whole period, subject remained awake, singing a neverending chorus, which is admittedly quite catchy. Though he is now asleep, I do not expect him to remain in that state for long. The subject still lilts in a broken voice the neverending chorus he was singing the night we found him. What strikes me most about this case is not the fact that this subject wound up in this state, but that he is as yet, the THIRD patient to have been brought to this institution with this condition. All sing this song, even in their sleep, and all are catatonic otherwise. I fear that this disease, for that is what it must be, will spread to the general populace and cause mass hysteria and catatonia. I know that I cannot go home again, as I, too have been infected… I cannot get that tune out of my head. I thought nothing of it when I returned home several days ago singing the tune and my daughter and wife picked up on it. I must remain here to avoid infecting anyone else, but I fear for the worst. I hear some of the staff at this institution singing the dreaded song even now, and my daughter, a kindergartener, has been to school several days in a row now, each morning boarding the school bus, according to my wife, with that dreaded tune on her beautiful lips! Oh, the horror! I fear that the only cure for this disease is the AHA song, Take On Me, but cannot test my theory, as my own copy of that song mysteriously vanished this morning before I had the chance. I suspect the candy striper who wears the sock puppet that looks like a sheep on her hand. She was touring my wing this morning spreading her own peculiar brand of cheer and I left, leaving my office door open. Ye gods! I am a fool. If you find this notebook, take my notes and use them as the foundation for your own research into a cure for this disease. I only hope the cure does not come too late. The fate of all humanity hangs in the balance! Please God, don’t let this be the ends. Yes it goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends…
is there a better way of doing this, or do i just have to tough it out for as long as my stubborn mind takes?
